Esok Dah Start Kerja...

Today is the last day of my relatively long leave from work before having to go back to the office tomorrow. Last days such as these always have me feeling depressed. Spending the last few moments of freedom away from work, from all sorts of problems that crop up with it, the difficult people, bosses, situations etc. I have deliberately ignored to open my office e-mail since my leave began last Thursday even though my boss had told me to keep on the lookout at this one issue that seems like it would not settle anytime soon. The last couple of days have been filled with national holidays for crying out loud. It's not like people are going to be around even if I did try to carry on working. Hence, I have this dreadful feeling a big avalanche of problems and issues will fall upon me when I get to work tomorrow. *Sigh*...

I spent the last couple of days at my in-laws in Ipoh. My mother in law is starting a new blog. She's a budding novelist you see, with already 4 books to her name, and she feels it appropriate to have a blog of her own as a strategic marketing ploy. As a matter of fact, many novelists in Malaysia do that I've realised. My wife goes onto a number of blogs which actually publish their writings on their respective blogs before publising them into books. It is surprising how many people with the flair for writing are out there. It almost makes you feel yo could even do the same if you really put your mind and will into it. It does make for an interesting idea, but I guess I either do not have the time or creativity to think of a story to write.

Yeah, creativity. I guess I am better at using other people's ideas instead of conjuring up with something original by myself. I like relating stories I've read or movies I've watched and analyse the beauty of the finer points of the stories. A good story is like a good cake I guess, and I think I play the role of the diner better than the chef i.e. I know a good cake when I eat one, but ask me to make one, I don't even know where to start.

But having said all this, I do not deny the whole idea of writing your own book is a very attractive proposition, career and financial wise. Maybe I just need some encouragement to believe that sitting for hours trying to make up a plot for a good story is worth more of my time than being at the office being confronted with neverending issues of my company. Maybe one day if my work becomes bad enough, or maybe when I've become literary enough to start writing anything longer than a page-long of a blog. You never know...

Let's entertain the idea a little further shall we. Izwan the Writer. What would I possibly write about? If I may share, I do fancy stories with themes on time-traveling and fate. With some elements of tragic romance due to unrequited love, or circumstance that would never allow it. Something with a twist in the plot that would make the reader goes 'Ahhhh.... now that's interesting' as he approaches the last few pages of the book.

Hmmm... perhaps I do have something I can work on for a story after all.

In the meantime all I could do is deal with this feeling of depression in anticipation of work tomorrow.

The Week That Was

It has been a most hectic week, filled with so much fanfare, firstly from Insyirah's 2nd birthday bash last Sunday, and secondly from my mother in law's graduation ceremony which took place in the middle of last week. And of course when there's such fanfare, chances are you will get yourself all drained up in the after event.

Insyirah's 2nd Birthday Bash, 12 August 2007



The birthday party was a lively and fun event, although energy sapping altogether. I ended up the day with a slight migraine, but having seen how happy Insyirah was at the end of the day, it was all worth it. My wife bought Insyirah a special white dress with big red polka dots all over it, and Insyirah looked simply adorable in it. And I guess she knew she looked adorable. She was unusually friendly with the guests at the party, shaking hands with the guests, sitting on the laps of some of my guests.

The preparation for the party began rather early in the morning, and I was running around like a headless chicken at the word go the instant I opened my eyes that day. I had decided to cook the main dish for the day, which was chicken and beef beriyani. Hehe... quite a chef am i? Well, the beriyani came in instant packs, although preparing it in such a big scale wasn't exactly a piece of cake. Up to 30 minutes before the party was scheduled to start, I had a scare when the rice didn't quite cook well and was dry. Lucky I managed to get it sorted just before the first guest arrived. Pheww....

We had about 50 guests turning up that day, although we had rsvps confirming attendance up to 100. That's Malaysians to you... so there were plenty of food for everyone.


Guess who actually blew the candles off...

Insyirah's cake was specially ordered from Secret Recipe with a picture of Barney and friends on it. Did you know that Secret Recipe could have any picture you wish on the cakes you buy from them? We thought at first of having Insyirah's pic on the cake, but alas we didn't have any latest pic of her. Since kids are usually crazy about Barney, and Insyirah and Hannah like the purple dinosaur too, we opted for Barney and friends instaed. True enough, kids were demanding to have the portions of the cake with Barney and friends on it.

Happy 2nd Birthday Insyirah. Abah and Ibu (Bubu) loves you so much.

Mum's Graduation, 15 August 2007

My mother in law's graduation took place in USM, Penang. She got her PhD for some research she made (i can't remember the title of the research, but it's loong and something to do with women's titties). We drove to Penang the night of the 14th August 2007. I wasn't able to take leave on the 14th as my work commitment demanded me to be at the office. We left KL around 10pm, and I was determined to get to Penang as quickly as possible. Driving my Inokom Matrix, I wasn't exactly an incarnation of Michael Schumacher, but I was driving faster than my usual pace and more pertinently, ocassonally slightly above the speed limit. I was lucky enough not to get flagged down by the police who set a speed trap along the way. Free je RM300 kalau tidak.. fuhh.. after that close encounter, I abided by the limit and managed to reach Penang, slowly but surely by 3 in the morning.


My superstar Dr. mother-in-law with flowers from her fans after the ceremony...

The ceremony was a very loooong one. Can you believe it actually took over 3 hours?! 3 hours of sitting and looking at hundreds of people getting their scrolls from the university's chancellor. I wonder how the chancellor and the rest of the academic staffs on stage managed to hold in whatever that was in their bladder in that 3 hours. Maybe they had adult diapers on them? Perhaps... Hehe...


Future Dr in the making... Dr Insyirah. Hehe... i like the sound of it.

I am not sure about other local universities here in Malaysia, but when I was in the UK, my own ceremony took only half an hour, maybe 45 minutes tops. But graduation in the UK and Malaysia are really different. In the UK, it felt like an academic event with a very traditional feel to it. Malaysians are probably more festive in nature and the ceremony had an almost TV3's Jom Heboh feel to it. Dengan gerai2 makan, khemah pesta, animal corner (?), concert, teh tarik competition. The Brits would have eaten their hearts out...

We stayed in Penang until Friday. Since we were already there, we felt might as well stay there for a few more days for vacation. It had been a while since I had been in Penang anyway, my last trip being in 1994. I wish we could have stayed longer. Fun times and such vacations always have the tendency to end before you're ready for it.

Can't wait for our planned vacation next year.

Money, Money, Money!

The issue of money and ways on how to make more of it has always become a favourite suject to many. Many can't buy you love, or all the happiness in the world, but it does get the going much easier if you have more it than less. Who wouldn't want that extra thousand bucks if you could make it. It sure does make meeting my monthly financial obligations easier and more breathing space financially.

The subject has been on my mind a little bit more persistently than usual as I go through the process of paying off all my debt obligations at the moment. A wise person once told me, debt is the mother of all poverty. And credit card debts must be the great, great grandmother of all the mothers of poverty. I've never made it a habit to check my credit card statement regularly, and it is to my shock that I found out my monthly financing charges have been in the amount of RM100 per month over the last one year. Would you believe it?! Not that I'm spending anything here. i get charged that amount of money simply for having outstanding balances with the bank. Heavens forbid!

So with that discovery, my 5 senses have been more alert to any opportunity to make extra bucks out there. And I found out about this Adsense formula that is on Google. Make money by having people flocking onto your blog and clicking on the ads by Google that appears on my blog. Sounds simple eh? And what better way to make money than doing so from the comfort of your bedroom, at anytime, about anything, and for doing something you wanted to do anyway? But there's still that other problem of having enough people to flock into this space. i don't really get that many people coming this way.

So it's time for some strategy in the items I blog about then. Key words or postings with high search rates on the net. Porno is of course out of the question, although in terms of hits it should probably account for the most hits on the net... hehe... hmm.. what then? It is something worth thinking about. It is after all about money...

Insyirah Turns 2!

My beloved daughter, that precious little angel of mine by the name of Nuha Insyirah, turned 2 years old today! Yes it has been 2 years since that cheeky little angel, by the grace of God, came to grace our lives. 2 years of patience, of getting up in the middle of the night making her milk, 2 years of playing with baby pee and poo, getting the ocassional vomit on my clothes. Yes, it has been 2 years of bliss, 2 years that have made me grown so much more than the previous 28 years before she came to my life. I love you so much my little girl.

We bought her a little cake tonight, for her to warm up with the idea of blowing the candle off the cake before her birthday bash this Sunday. Although she did try to blow off the candle rather earnestly tonight, she still struggled enough for Hannah to jump in and show how her it's really done. Hannah just couldn't contain her excitement the moment she saw us bring the cake out. But somehow she managed to refrain herself from blowing the candle, and allowed Insyirah to make a few attempts before she 'voluntered' to show her how it's done. And in good spirits, Insyirah clapped her on when the candles were blown off. Hehe...

Here's to many more birthdays in the future. May all your dreams come true.

ps: Either blogger or my internet connection is giving me problems at the moment and I'm taking a zillion years just trying to put up a pic. So I only have a pic of the birthday cake to show and nothing else. Guess I'll put more pics after the big bash on Sunday itself. :-(

My Inner Voice Speaks

These last couple of days, I have come to learn (or perhaps rediscover) the art of listening to the voices within me again. Before I get anybody alarmed suspecting that I'm beginning to suffer from schizophrenia, let me reassure you it's not THAT kind of voices I'm talking about. It is the voice of your heart, or what the malays would call 'suara hati', which in my interpretation at least, asks you questions about your own mortality, happiness, ambitions, and where you are in the bigger scheme of life. Muslims call it 'muhasabah', a process of reflection of one's life, where we are in the bigger scheme of things, and where we're heading towards. And I feel that my recent job transfer probably has something to do with it.

I have recently moved to a new job within the same company beginning a month ago, after close to 7 years working in the old position. My old position had it's fair share of joy and fun in the early days, but in the last 2-3 years or so, have made me to drag myself to work. And if I may be honest, I could trace the reason for such a feeling to a particular person in the office whom of late has not just made my life a miserable hell, but the lives of others in the office as well.

If you traced back some of my earlier postings about a colleague from hell, then you would know who i mean. To give you a better perspective how really bad she is, whatever I have written about her in these pages a couple of years are not even half as bad as what she has really turned out to be. I had decided to stop bitching about her after my 2 posting about her back then as I felt bitching about others is not really a healthy way to handling such issues.

As a result, it probably caused the voice within me to go quiet altogether and I lost touch with the very essence of myself. I lost the voice within me that usually gave me my reason and drive. Because I had to live with working with such an incompetent monkey for so long, I had learnt to just live with imperfections and assume others would too. My bosses had allowed her to continue with her incompetence for so long that the whole unit almost turned into ruins. For instance, the company's financial statements for the year, which was under the monkey's KPI for the last year, was late by over 2 months, and even then it wasn't her who finally completed it. Just like the year before, she made horrendous mess with the accounts before conveniently falling ill on the day of the deadline, and left her shit to another colleague of mine and myself to clear it for her. We went back at 4 in the morning that day and to add salt to injury, the boss made us continue doing her job and gave us a scolding for being slow the next day. The monkey who conveniently felt better that day got away with nothing.

That was just a classic example of what she is capable of doing. I could go on and on about the unspeakable and dishonorable things she's done, but that would be digressing too far from the main reason for this posting and I shall save such stories of the good-for-nothing monkey for later. As it is now, I can feel my heartbeat beating slightly faster recounting the above events of her doing.

Basically, having to endure such a difficult colleague and a demanding boss who did not really know how to manage such a colleague and the ensuing mess she created, took its toll on me and I suffered in silence. My motivation gone, energy zapped, and I was beginning to have self esteem issues. I began asking myself, 'is this it?'. I felt like I was facing a great wall with no way to move forward or move around, and it felt hopeless.

The new job has so far given me a new lease of life. I am required to learn again, and I am again made to feel like a freshie in a new school. I'm made to feel dumb again, which requires me to go around looking for some answers. I'm exposed to embarassing moments of clueless-ness, and the regular telling off from the boss for freshie-like errors. The pressure to meet such high expectations, to my own surprise, had given me the zest again to stand up and show what I can do under such adverse situations. And yeah, almost all my colleagues in my new work place are merit-rated material, so I very much feel like a small fish in a big pond at the moment. The good thing about that is, there is an almost certainty that I won't have the same problem of dealing with incompetent people like in my old place.

I suddenly have so much to tell. But I guess the rest can wait till later. I have made a pledge that certain things about me will change, and I look towards the future with optimism. Things are not necessarily going to get any easier, but at least I now feel better prepared for any eventuality.

Movie Outing: Spiderman 3

It has been a long while since I went to watch a movie at the cinemas. Ever since Insyirah was born, trips to the cinemas can be counted with fingers in one hand. Well to be precise, before Tuesday's trip to watch the latest of the Spiderman movies, the only other time I had gone to the movies post-Insyirah was to watch the Da Vinci Code. Even then I didn't go with wifey who chose to stay home and babysit our daughter. The Spiderman outing was kinda spontaneous on my wife's part, being our first movie date in close to 2 years, so it felt kinda special.

The movie was great. The thing that I like the most about Spiderman is how human they try to portray the hero. In other words, Peter Parker lives like most of us: life as a college student, struggling to make enough to pay for rent and food, relationship related problems, etc. He lives a life that most of us could pause, reflect and relate those moments to our own. And it touches a lot on the themes of friendship and relationship. So working on such potentially emotional themes, it was always going to be more than just a superhero action flick.

I would probably rate the 3rd Spiderman movie as the best of the three. To begin with, there were more villains in this instalment that our webslinging hero had to get himself busy with, and then the plots were considerably richer and more complicated compared to the 2 earlier instalments. Not surprising given that the screenwriters had originally written the movie so long with so complicated plots, they were considering to break the story into Spiderman 3 and 4 at one point. That plan didn't materialise however when the writers couldn't come up with a satisfying intermediate climax, so they scrapped the idea. You can check more fun trivias about the movie from IMDB.com if you wish.

Strongly recommended.

Insyirah's Journal

I've thought to myself: My daughter has turned almost 2 years old, and really I have not kept a journal or any literature of her developments and antics over that period of time. It sort of hit me recently that certain things about watching her grow up that I considered to be novelties when they first happened are beginning to slip from my memory, and if I do not record them somehow somewhere it might get forgotten as time passes by. It is not just her major accomplishments that I'm talking about. Candid moments, moments of ingenuity, clever things said, etc... these are the things that I've begun to forget even though it might have happened only 6 months ago. Of course I won't forget such moments when she first called me 'Abah', or when the day she started walking... but there are other moments that you might not recall so easily with time. Yeah, I am getting old I know...

Insyirah turned 21 months today, and she has grown up to be such a bundle of joy to everyone who loves her. She is a rather demanding girl I must say, with very little tolerance for rejections, which means she would easily throw tantrums when she doesn't get things her way. And she is also an overly sensitive girl. She is easily moved by the tone in your voice, and she knows so well when people are unhappy with her.

Like the other day when Hannah and her were being naughty and accidentally dropped some bunches of keys from the key rack, they were laughing their hearts out at the incident. My mother heard them laughing and found all the keys on the rack on the floor. She gave them a telling off, telling them they were being naughty. At the slight sound of displeasure in my mum's voice, Insyirah made a face and broke down into tears and embraced my mum apologetically. Hannah on the other hand has learnt the art of distraction so well, and was pointing at the fishes in the pond outside to distract my mother... cheeky girl!

Before I left the house this morning for work, Insyirah took my hand and brought me into the TV room to watch cartoons with her. Hannah was having the say in the choice of programme to watch however, so we watched this VCD on alphabets. Insyirah made sure I sat there with her by sitting on my lap, and would frown and cry whenever I tried to get up. She's very clingy I must say, almost like a koala... hehe.. especially when my wife's around.

Earlier, I was awakened at 4 in the morning by Insyirah's soft cry. It wasn't the kind of crying from pain or hunger or from anything that could have indicated any serious alarm. It sounded like a cry of complaint from this increasingly demanding little girl. Apparently her anklets around both ankles had gotten entangled with each other, and her feet were tied to one another. Poor girl! Hehe... so I spent the next 10 minutes untangling them. COuld have been much faster though had I not been so sleepy...

I am missing her already. Will be going to Singapore for 2 days beginning tomorrow, and I'm gonna miss my wife and daughter so badly...

Hope my wife will call soon so we can leave the office asap...

Our Celebrity Look Alikes

My morale has not been very good of late. Been battered by a combination of too much work and having to tolerate the gross incompetence of someone who is so bad that I honestly feel like jumping out of the window of my office on the 35th floor just to avoid myself from killing her. I have been trying to achieve a lot of things today, working at home since yesterday and today are public holidays, but my whole body has been protesting all the way that I think I’ve only managed to accomplish like 30% what I had ambitiously planned to achieve the whole day. My mind keeps telling me it’s ok though… today is a public holiday for crying out loud, and your brain just can’t take the stress that much anymore. Yeah.. seriously I feel like I can’t anymore. Even with glaring deadlines now looking at me with look of death, I have been rather nonchalant about them.

In my struggle to cheer myself up, I strayed in Myheritage’s website and searched for celebrities that matched my looks. Well, it did succeed to cheer me up somehow. And for good measure, I did the same tests for my wife and Insyirah. Not bad I thought.. hehe…

Well, sometimes it’s good to do this keje2 syok sendiri just to boost the ego… hehe..

http://www.myheritage.com

Road Devils

Drove back to KL last night from Ipoh, which effectively was our last leg of the round Malaysia road trip for the Chinese New Year holidays. Yesterday was supposed to be a working day, but knowing how horrifying traffic on the highway could get on the last day of the holiday with KL citizens all heading back towards the city, I had already planned leave for yesterday. Traffic was still quite heavy though. Obviously quite a number of people had the same idea as I did. But still it was manageable. I managed to arrive home in just over 2 hours, with only a minor delay occuring in the stretch between Rawang and Sungai Buloh.

If there's one thing that I hate about driving on the highways in the holiday season, it is the driving habits of some selfish and inconsiderate drivers, terrorising the road as though the road was some racing circuit owned by their grandfathers. Traffic on the highway could sometimes slow down to a snail's pace during the festive seasons, and it is understandable to get exasperated at the pace when you could only manage to cover a distance of about 20km in a space of an hour, but please remember if you feel that way, EVERYONE else is feeling the same.

Some impatient drivers resort to speeding on the emergency lane, and cutting the traffic left and right just to gain what, possibly 10 minutes less on their journeys? And risking the lives of their loved ones and other innocent road users by driving dangerously? To be brutally truthful about it, I really don't give a damn if such selfish drivers were to end up under a trailer or in a deep ravine due to their thoughtless acts on the road, but it is such a pity when it ends involving their passengers and other road users.

It never fails to irk me when a driver cuts into my lane, squeezing into the space between my car and the car ahead of me, the space which I had adjudged to be a safe cruising distance when traffic is heavy but moving smoothly. All because the driver could not wait and resort to swerving left and right into any space they feel they could squeeze in to gain any measly minutes of their journey time. There was an instant when 2 cars actually squeezed into the space ahead of mine, apparently racing to get back into the fast lane after overtaking on the slower lane. There was just enough space for one car ahead of me, and when the second car just barged into my lane, almost hitting the front of my car in doing so, I had to hit the brakes rather suddenly to avoid bumping into its rear. A surge of expletives almost came out of me, and how I wished I was driving a trailer so that I could just mow down this imbecile driver. Lucky I was under a censored mode (wife and daughter were in the car), and was driving a mini MPV, or the worse could have happened.

As we reached Sungai Buloh, there was a blue Lancer Evo doing its zig zagging trick across the 3 lane highway, speeding its way pass and having little regard for the other vehicles on the road. A bus only just managed to avoid ramming into its rear as the Evo swerved from the middle lane into the slow lane with a perceived thoughtless non-chalance. "Crazy!", I thought to myself. My wife made a non-approving remark too. "Maybe he felt he's lived too long".

A few minutes later, just a few kilometres away from where the Evo overtook us, we noticed the traffic stopped almost abruptly. I had to switch lanes almost instantly to avoid the stationary cars on the middle and fast lanes ahead of me. A speedtrap maybe? Then just a few lengths ahead, I noticed a car that had spun out of control and ending up into the road divider in the middle of the road, obstructing traffic on the fast lane.

It was the same blue Lancer Evo.

Lucky the oncoming cars managed to slow down and avoided a further terrible mishap that could have involved so many other people. The Evo must have spun around across the 3 lane highways, its rear ending up ramming the divider. Looked like everyone in the car was ok, the serious damage limited to the rear of the car, and maybe to the driver's ego. It was a relief to see no one got hurt. But at the same time, it gave an inexplicable pleasure to see the stupid Evo driver ended up that way. Haha..!

Let that be a lesson to that devil.

A Welcome Break

My family and I went on a road trip this Chinese New Year, spanning between Johor in the south and Perak in the north, covering a total distance journeyed of over 1,000km. Apart from the crazy road traffic in these festive times, I've always liked going on long road trips. So many memories can be made from such long journeys, and I have quite a few stored in my collection of nostalgias, namely my road trips in New Zealand, Turkey, and Europe to name a few. Maybe I might just recount the experiences from these trips in future postings.

Anyways, I feel that the Chinese New Year break could not have come at a better time. Truth be told, I was close to the point of saturation at work. A couple of weeks ago, I made a visit to the doctor after experiencing intermittent palpitation of my heart, which had lasted for a couple of weeks up to that point. I was quite hesitant at first to made the visit, but the palpitations had begun to become too regular to my liking that I decided I had better find out if there was anything serious about it. From the ECG test I took, my heart was beating at a rate of a 100m sprinter when I was resting, and the doctor gave me some pills to get rid of the palpitations, and an advice that perhaps I was stressing myself from work too much. Suddenly, everything was put into perspective once again and I began to assess my priorities in life.

I mean, are all the troubles and stresses of work worth it if it means having to compensate my health? Having been told that I might possibly have a heart problem due to work stresses made me go into some reality check. Yeah, I have basically been working for more than 16 hours a day since early December 06 because of the company's budget and planning cycle, and to add to the excitement, my ACCA exam was scheduled in the midst of all the madness at work. I survived as I always have so far, but this time not without a little tug on my health and well being.

Perhaps I'm getting a bit old already. Perhaps cavalier moments like those I experienced in university are best not repeated in these times. There is too much stress going around me at the moment that I can do without the unnecessary ones with some proper planning. Yeah, planning. That is one characteristic I can really do with some development.

Anyways... here are some pics of Hannah and Insyirah taken while we were on our journey to Johor a few days ago. It is such a pleasure to see your kids grow and learn to do new stuffs. They are now at an age when they like to imitate behaviour and speech. There's no better therapy to stress than spending time with your child.


Hannah: "Insyirah... can you call Granny and see if she's ready to go yet? I'm tired of waiting and sitting here."
Insyirah: "Ok... I'll dial her up... lucky dad topped up my credit yesterday!".

Insyirah: "Granny? Where are you? We're waiting for you... lemme see, where are we.. we're near some fruit stalls, near the kiddies playing area..."

Insyirah: What was that Granny? The line's not very clear here... I knew I should have subscribed to Hotlink. Ok then, we'll see you here in 5 minutes ok? Our bums are getting sore from sitting too long, and I think I'm due for a nappy change too...
Hannah: Me too! I just had a big one!

Finding The Fire

This last couple of days I have been a bit busy. Very, very preoccupied in fact. And strangely, only when I am under such circumstances would I actually function the best. To be fair, I need not get myself under this situation if only I had had the drive to get things done way before they are due. And again to be fair, it's not that I had not tried getting myself started, it's just that without the drive to do them, it was like trying to mow the grass of a football field with a pair of nail clippers. My brains would simply choose not to switch on when I set myself on the task. Only when the deadline is staring at me around the corner does my brain get cracking feverishly and does what it does best.

It kinda made me thinking when I get myself under such situations. If only I could get myself to be ahead of things, instead of getting to the finishing line neck to neck with the deadlines, I wonder where I would have gotten myself to by this time in my life? Would I have been a successful executive in some multinational company earning 5 figures, USD or GBP salary? Or would I have been a dynamic entrepeneur heading towards greatness in a multimillion dollar business? Or perhaps closer down to earth, maybe already a manager by this time in the company I'm currently working with? It did get me thinking.

I have somehow been observing those few people in my company who are heading towards greatness, and not that much older than me. The difference between them and myself is that they somehow have that extra, that fire in the gut that drives them to do what they know they can do best, and then do it superbly. They are always in a state of preparedness, their swords already sharpened, eveready for any challenges that come their way. Even better, they even get themselves a step ahead of the others and their superior. A very good thing to do if you intend to get the boss's attention, and hence an assured path towards a fast track promotion.

I do not intend to blow my horn, but I do feel that when it comes to the matter of grey matter power, I do not feel in any way inferior to these high flying people. Brain for brain, I believe I do stand a chance. But whilst these people have their swords ready in their sheath come morning of the big battle, that is when you will see me taking out the swords for sharpening. Because I am simple too lazy to do it the night before. Or because I find it difficult to give a damn about things like getting yourself ready until it's too late. Because I feel that somehow all things will work out ok by themselves.

If only I cared to do research on a particular paper my boss is asking me to do weeks ago instead of frantically doing so over 2 days in the office. If only I cared to do my revision for my ACCA exams like even 1 week early instead of going through the contents of my text book yesterday to find out what the syllabus is about. If only I cared enough about everything I do to be ahead of everyone.

If only I can find the fire...

Time to hit the books again. ACCA exams' next Tuesday.

A Long Weekend

It is very late at night now, 12.24am of Monday morning to be exact. I should be in bed by now, after having gone through a rather long and eventful weekend. The pace of the weekend was rather frantic and before I knew it, it is now already very late of Sunday night (or rather, very early of Monday morning!)I guess my mind is still in tune with the frantic pace all weekend and am finding it difficult to switch off just like that even though my body feels so tired that it aches all over.

Had a mini gathering of friends and families today over at my house. Maybe you can call it an open house, this weekend being the last weekend of Syawal. The event might not have been the same proportion of the Prime Minister's open house, but the work required and the energy spent on it felt as though it was. It was a good time to play catch up with some friends whom I've not met for so long. Some friends whom used to be very close with me. As much as some people choose not to believe it, relationships with friends do change after you get married. You can't just simply hang out with your old pals anymore. There are commitments that you have to attend to. Priorities change as families grow. And friendships will naturally require a new paradigm.

Two good friends of mine turned up today. It had been a long while since I last got together with either one of them. Both are now married with a child each. One is a guy who had been my housemate when I was studying for my degree in London UK, and the other is a childhood friend dating back from my primary school days. It was fun meeting up with them again, more so now that our lives are now evolved over things that are very different from the days when we were younger. We are now married and parents to our respective beloved child.

The presence of my ex-housemate was probably the toast of the day for me. I guess with the commitment of work and families, we have not been able to be in touch as we should have. Perhaps I only have myself to blame. I know I am lousy at keeping in touch, and without friends like this guy in this world I would probably be friendless. Conversations between us have been few and far in between for the last two years, and I suspect perhaps I've offended him and his wife somehow. Having him over today has made me to realise that friendships like this are well worth preserving. It would be a shame if such a good thing gets destroyed by a little misunderstanding or perception.

The other friend of mine is no other than the famous Sarini who used to be an avid blogger, who has now chosen to stay in the blogging wilderness. Rumors has it that she's still writing, but oh well, having her over at my place was good enough for me to play catch up with her. Her daughter Hana has grown up to be a beautiful girl and I felt so moved when I finally got to see Hana again. Heard so much about her from Sarini and I felt that she looked more beautiful than I had imagined. Uncle Izwan is very pleased to have you and your parents over.

Geee... it is close to 1 am already, and I can still feel words and ideas flowing out of my head like water running out of a tap. But I know I have to sleep soon nevertheless. I have so much to achieve at work this week, so many deadlines waiting to be met. What's worse than having to go to work on a Monday after a very long and tiring weekend with very little sleep on Sunday night, is having so much to achieve on that Monday after a very long and tiring weekend with very little sleep on Sunday night. I hope I won't regret this extra hour I've spent blogging instead of going to bed early tomorrow.

I already have a feeling that I will...

The Visit to The Dentist

I went to visit the dentist last Wednesday. It was no easy feat for me, considering the phobia that I have about meeting dentists. It was my first visit in 3 years, and the last visit was made more out of necessity rather than routine as I had a severe tooth ache that I couldn’t bear any longer and in pain and desperation I somehow got over the phobia temporarily and braced myself to see the doctor with the perpetual image of a drill in his hand. But the visit 3 years ago also taught me that my fear to visit the dentist could have had a serious consequence.


Now, open wide...

I had had the ache to my premolar tooth (one of the smaller gigi geraham... heck, I had to Google it up know what the particular tooth is called in English) since my university days and due to my perceived irrational fear to see the dentist, I had chosen to live with the pain rather than brave myself to get on the dentist’s chair. You see, my phobia for the dentist is not something which I was born with, or something that I had acquired from my visits to the dentist in my childhood days. Rather, my phobia started after a visit I made to the dentist when I was in the UK during my A-Level studying days. The same tooth (before the ache began) had cracked again, and the earlier filling in the tooth had come out leaving a big cavity. I decided to visit the dentist and get a new filling with no hesitation back then. But the way the dentist administered the filling back then left a long lasting effect on me that I still shiver whenever I recounted the story.

First of all, he injected some sort of anasthetic into my gum, supposedly so that I won’t feel any pain from the procedure. Fine, I thought. This is nothing new. The anasthetic later had the effect of temporarily paralysing half of my face for half a day that I didn’t look too much different from Quasimodo from Hunchback of Notre Dame. The worst part actually came when the tooth drilling started in earnest, and guess what, it was bloody painful! I tried not to show any agitation at first, trying to preserve my male masochism the best I can. But it came to a point when I felt like the drilling actually hit a NERVE in my gum that I reactively screamed in pain. I can’t recall what the dentist said or reacted to my agony at the time as I was too absorbed by the pain. To make matters worse, all this happened about 3 days before my A-Levels exams. It had a traumatic effect on me, and the whole episode was enough to give me a life long phobia of the dentist.


A case of bad anasthetic...

My phobia however almost had a serious consequence. The filling done by the dentist who scared me to life unfortunately came off after only 2 more years, and this time I was understandably too hesitant to do anything about it. I decided to leave the cavity uncapped, to the detriment of the tooth and gum. It was getting increasingly painful whenever I accidentaly chomped my food with that particular tooth. My gum in that particular area had bled frequently and it was beginning to excrete puss. My breath was getting foul by the day, and I then decided enough was enough. I gathered my courage and braced myself for a dental visit 3 years ago. My tooth managed to be saved, just barely. The dentist said it was almost too late when I finally decided to do something about it, and he thought at first that the tooth had to be extracted. He performed a root canal treatment on it, and I was left with a lesson that such fears, irrational or rational it may be, needs to be conquered if I were to avoid getting myself into such a situation again.

Which brought me to my first visit to the dentist in 3 years yesterday.

The visit this time was more due to routine however. I know the common advice for a regular dentist visit should be done once every 6 months, and believe me I have been psyching myself to do that all the time. But time and time again I would find a convenient excuse not to go. The visit this time was triggered by my wife who had a minor complaint about an ache to her premolar tooth as well. So we went...


"Argghh... doctor, that is not the right tooth!" One of the common fears for those suffering from dental phobia

Getting seated on the dentist’s chair never fails to get my heart racing. Good thing the dentist didn’t find anything wrong with my teeth to warrant any serious procedure, so I was just up for scaling. It had been a long while since I had scaling of my teeth anyway.

There was an interesting fact that I learnt from the visit. The dentist took a quick look at my teeth and asked if I was a smoker. The question took me by surprise because I do not smoke. She said my teeth were stained, which is usually brought about by smoking. She then asked if I drank tea. Yeah, of course. I used to be an addict to teh tarik. She said tea is also responsible in leaving stains on teeth, especially the cheap teas with hypermarket brands that you buy from Tescos or Giant, as it is filled with colourings. She adviced that it is advisable to gargle after taking tea to make sure that the stains does not stick and stay on your teeth. Hmm... I never knew that.

The scaling exercise felt forever. And I didn’t know it could be quite an agonising experience either. I have sensitive teeth you see, and I would even cringe in discomfort when gargling cold water because of it. But it was all worth it in the end. After what seem like forever, my teeth had lost all its stains and my mouth felt so clean. And suddenly braving myself for this visit seem all worth it.


My blindingly shiny teeth afterwards...

Will I see the dentist again in 6 months? Hmmm... somehow the prospect doesn't seem so scary anymore.

Morning Babble

My company will hold its Raya Open House for the staffs today at one of the hotels in KL, and everyone's asked to turn up with their spankiest outfit. The Open House is scheduled to take place in the afternoon after the Friday prayers but I believe given the excitement and huha that has come with its anticipation, not much can be established in the office in the morning. As you can imagine, the women have started congregating amongst them comparing their latest fashionable baju kurung/kebaya and accessories that they (perhaps quietly) wish will be the envy of the other women and attraction of the men. Ntah le.. I do find this behaviour rather funny and so woman-like. It's like "see, see, look at what I'm wearing", or "hopefully this is good enough to land me the best dressed female prize". Haiyaa... the things that women crave for just baffles me.

Anyway, on the office front I've almost come to terms with the situation here. The trick is to keep a stone face and just keep moving on, regardless if the deadline has passed or not. I am not saying deadlines are not important, coz if I do think that I might as well work for AirAsia and not this company I'm working in now. But I'm not going to kill myself stretching myself any thinner as I already have now because it's crazy. I just have to keep marching on and hope that my sanity will still preserve at the end of it all. As it is, the stress that I'm experiencing has resulted in some behaviours of mine that resembles a female suffering from PMS.

Yeah, I get annoyed over the simplest things these days. Things like the women in the office busying themselves over petty stuffs like their baju raya. Or the boss talking nonsense about the company's Corporate Agenda in the department meeting yesterday. Ntah le.. in a way I don't mind feeling this way because it is a sign that I'm always on my toes, thus my nerves are more easily touched than usual. I've just been clenching my teeth and say it's ok and it's not their fault. And to help me calm myself, I've been playing lounge music on my PC, although I've just found out that it has made my colleague sitting next to me sleepy. Bet she's annoyed with me too now...

There's nothing like sharing your annoyance with the people around you. Hehe...

If

I love this poem by Rudyard Kipling. It is a good poem to lift the spirits when you're down in the dumps and self doubts begin to creep in. Something classy to recite when you want to reassure someone who needs upliftings words. A good reminder for one not to lose his/her head in the hardest adversity, or even when in the grandest of triumphs. It is a poem that tells the differences between a boy and a man.

Enjoy.

If...
by Rudyard Kipling

If you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you,
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,
But make allowance for their doubting too;

If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or being lied about, don't deal in lies,
Or being hated, don't give way to hating,
And yet don't look too good, nor talk too wise:

If you can dream - and not make dreams your master;
If you can think - and not make thoughts your aim;
If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster
And treat those two impostors just the same;

If you can bear to hear the truth you've spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to broken,
And stoop and build 'em up with wornout tools:

If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings
And never breathe a word about your loss;

If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the Will which says to them: 'Hold on!'

If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
Or walk with kings - nor lose the common touch,
If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you,
If all men count with you, but none too much;

If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds' worth of distance run -
Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it,
And - which is more - you'll be a Man my son!

I'm Too Sexy...

Did one of the many million tests they have in blogthings when my brain shut down and I kept failing to jump start it at work today. And what have I found out about myself?

You Are Super Spicy

You're a little bit crazy, a little bit naughty, and a whole lot of sexy. You go beyond hot - you set people's senses on fire!

Are You Hot?

Yeah baby yeah! (say it the way Mike Myers do…)

The Post Holiday Blues

It is my second day at work, and already I’m feeling overwhelmed by work. Of course I was prepared for the barrages of work that was waiting for me after being away from the office for a week, but what I wasn’t prepared for was new tasks that my new boss have only thought off during the one week she was away from the office. And suddenly I have like 5 deadlines to meet in a space of a month, and I have to say we’re talking about big deadlines here. And with my brains and basically whole system been turned off for a good week during the festive season, I almost suffered from systems jam when faced with all this yesterday. I genuinely thought I was going to get a heart attack yesterday and went to bed early just in case. Ok la… I exaggerated a bit about the heart attack but lesser mortals than me might not have been so lucky.

It took me a week to rediscover my zest again over the holidays, and it just took one day to spoil all that. Sometimes I think my life evolves around work too much that it’s killing the very essence of the person I am. I hate to complain, because I know complaining takes you nowhere here. I woke up this morning pondering how much longer can I stand all this. The working environment, the colleague-from-hell who doesn’t seem to get any smarter by the day, a boss who has no clue what he’s supposed to do, and a new department head who seem to trust the dumb colleague more than anyone else, at the expense of some people (myself included) who are already frustrated with her legendary incompetence to begin with. At times, I can’t help but feel I’m stuck in a lost cause.

*Sigh* Ntah le..

My Raya This Year

The beginning of Raya Aidilfitri in fact begins on the night before 1st of Syawal, when muslims all over the world will recite the takbir, which marks the end of the fasting month of Ramadhan and the beginning of Aidilfitri. The takbir signifies victory for the muslims, for having gone through a month of restraint and supposedly rehabilitation in the month of Ramadhan. For the Muslim who managed to achieve this objective in Ramadhan, there is a reward of purity to the soul and that he/she would come to the 1st of Syawal with a soul as pure as a newborn, Insya-Allah. The only sins that are left to be cleansed are the sins with other human beings, which is why you will see Muslims (in Malaysia at least) seeking forgiveness from one another on the 1st of Syawal.

I spent the 1st day of Raya in KL with my family. This has become a more regular feature in our family's raya plans this last couple of years. In the past, we used to drive back to my parents' hometown (my parents were childhood sweethearts, and they lived about half an hour's drive from each other) in Pontian a few days before Hari Raya. The last few days of fasting in kampung and the fun of playing with firecrackers used to be the order of the day for us kids back then. Those really were the days. Now that all my cousins have grown up, and having children themselves, spaces in my late grandma's house is at a premium. At any one time, there could easily be more than 50 of us if everyone showed up at the same time. So these days, when I do get the chance to go back to Johor for Raya we'd have no choice but to put up in a hotel. Yeah... I know it's sad but hey that's the price of overpopulation.




"Smile, smile at the camera!". Insyirah and my father. Seronoknyaa...

Performed my Aidilfitri prayers at the Wilayah Mosque in Jalan Duta. There were loads of people, foreigners were quite many amongst them. After that, our beraya adventure began. And that meant a lot of food and outflow of cash in the form of duit raya. Hehe... after fasting for a month, I have to say it took a little getting used to to eat again during the day, let alone to indulge oneself into a food galore as most of us would on this special occassion. I just managed to go beraya to 2 houses on the 1st day, and even that was too much for me. Some people could manage to go from one house after another all day and end up going to a dozen open houses and still come home hungry for more food.

Just looking back to the Aidilfitris I've experienced in the past, I can't help but feel that this special day has different meanings to each and one of us, at different stages in our lives. I'm not talking about it from the spiritual aspect though, as when it comes to that I think most of us Muslims already know what it means and how significant it is. What I mean is the social aspect of it. For instance, a kid's perception of Aidilfitri is definitely different from that of an adult. Just reminiscing my own experiences, Hari Raya meant getting new baju melayu, songkok, shoes, and the whole package of new stuffs to wear. It meant a 7 hour ride in the car on our balik kampung journey. It meant meeting all my cousins whom I don't get to meet very often because our trips to kampung at any other times in the year never coincided with each other. It was about playing firecrackers, even getting ourselves into a 'mini rockets war' with the children whose house was across the kampung street (thank god no one's house got burnt down or anything like that back then). And of course it meant going on raya rounds to houses in the kampung and getting duit raya. The rate at the time was in the region of 10 sen to a max of 50 sen. Not that the amount mattered much at the time, it was just the fun of walking around the kampung with your relatives in your new outfit that made it fun.




"I want this, and this, and this, and that!!". Insyirah dissecting Raya hampers with my mother in law.

Things are slightly different for the teenagers. Nothing changes in the clothing department, and we still expect to get new clothes when it comes to Hari Raya. But we were fashion conscious at this age. We wanted our baju raya to be extra special and different from the rest. My mum told me her teenage years was her most memorable moment when it came to Aidilfitri. And the moment most special for her was when my father came over to the house for Raya... it was an event she would wait for all year. Hehe... how sweet.

Raya this year is however extra special for me as my daughter Insyirah who is now 14 months old is old enough to understand what the fuss this day is all about. Well, at least that's what the people around her are doing to her anyway, fussing over what she would wear and stuffs for Hari Raya. Her behaviour has been very commendable as well, being well-behaved when we go for raya visits. She was only 3 months old the last Hari Raya and back then she was practically crying and screaming whenever we went for visits, so the number of houses we went last year was very few. This year, the crying and screaming were replaced with baby talk and chit chat and I noticed she has been very indulgent in conversations. She's turned out to be a very cheeky and friendly toddler with a very hearty and infectious laugh. Love you girl...




"Drive safely ok?"

My little family and I drove to Ipoh in the evening of the 1st of Raya, and we'll be driving back to KL today. To those of you who will be travelling today, have a safe journey. Drive carefully and not recklessly. Ingatlah orang yang tersayang. Do not make your future Aidilfitris a tragic memory as a result of an instant moment of madness and recklessness on the road. Let's make sure it brings only memorable nostalgias that we will like to recount over and over again.

A New Face

So there.

I've finally decided to give this blog a makeover. Well, with the Aidilfitri fever very much lingering in the air, and people celebrating Raya still fresh with the sweat and joy of decorating their houses, I felt it befitting that I gave my blog a new look as well. Perhaps it has been a tad overdue too. My blog had had the old look for too long that to be honest, I was beginning to feel a bit sick of the layout myself. I guess it is normal to feel that way with progression of time. Now I understand why my mom keeps changing the arrangement of the furnitures at home.

It didn't take me long to choose this new layout. I'd had something soothing and easy on the eye template in mind, and the color green was pretty much in the criteria. My wife commented however that the flower in the background at the top of the blog might give a bit of a feminine feel to the blog, but I didn't care. First of all, I like flowers anyway and having flowers as part of my deco. And secondly, traffic into this blog is comparable to the birth rate in Singapore that I don't think I should worry too much about comments.

Who knows with a new template, I will feel revived to make this blog alive again with updates. After having this blog for 3 years, I realise I've not really been able to live up to it. If I may be honest, it has been as much a source of an inspiration as it is embarassment to me. Inspiration as an outlet for me to pour whatever little literary talent I may (or may not) have. An embarassment for the lack of updates and substance that I have on it. Still, I feel compelled to allow this blog to exist rather than shutting it down. Surprisingly, I've made over a 100 postings here since it's inception. That fact alone is a worthy justification for it's existence.

Here's to a new face, and a refreshing future.

Selamat Hari Raya. Maaf Zahir Batin.

Ramadhan Is Here Once Again

Ramadhan Is Here Once Again

Today marks the first day of the holy month of Ramadhan, which to most people, well at least to Malaysians, is more commonly called as the fasting month. "Bulan puasa" as most Malaysians would fondly call it. I'm not sure if it's unique only in Malaysia, the month of Ramadhan would also see the mushrooming of evening markets, or Ramadhan markets as we call it, where you can find varieties of food and delicacies for the breaking of fast. I'm telling you, being at the Ramadhan market with a hungry tummy can be quite hazardous to your health, physically and financially. Which is why I think it is important for Muslims to remember that Ramadhan is not just about the fasting, but it is also about controlling your wants and desires. It's a time for curing and enriching of the soul. It's a time to renew the vow that we've made on new year's eve to become a better person.

Anyhow, I'll leave the preaching to someone else more qualified to do that. I just felt like since I'm talking about the holy month, it is necessary for me to talk about the gist and its significance in summary. The words above apply to me more than anyone else, anyway...

Every Ramadhan, I can't help getting nostalgic and reminisce about the Ramadhans of the past. Here are 2 of the Ramadhans that plays in my memory the most:

1985

I was 8. My family and I spent a good 3 weeks of the fasting month that year in Pittsburgh, USA as my father was attending a 3 months course there. I only managed to fast for a day while I was there. It was tough, as it was the summer season at the time. Breaking fast was close to 9pm, and my brother who was 5 was a lil devil in disguise and kept tempting me with food and snacks that he was having, since he was deemed too young to fast. I managed to convince my parents that perhaps I was too, and didn't fast the next day. Then I became a lil devil myself and tempted my older sister's perseverance in turn. She managed 3 more days than I did.

1995

I was 18, and I was studying my A-Levels in an English public school in Oxford, UK. It was my first Ramadhan without the company of my family. And even more significant, it was my first experience of Ramadhan where Muslims were a minority. There were only 4 of us Muslims in that school. The first few days were a bit challenging, as I wasn't able to get proper food for sahur. Until my matron noticed this and informed the school kitchen to do something about it, after which I was having lamb chops almost every morning.

Ramadhan came about around winter time in those days, so we had it very easy. Breaking of fast came about around 4pm, so effectively we were fasting about 3 hours less, and in a much cooler climate. I remember when Ramadhan coincided with our term break, I would sometimes go back to sleep after Fajr prayers and wake up around 2 for Zuhur, and by the time I was fully awake around 4, it was time for breaking of fast. Those were the days...

Here's to a blessed Ramadhan to everyone.