*Sigh*

*Sigh*

The day didn’t start very well for me today. I woke up today feeling lousier than when I went to bed last night, which says a lot because I didn’t feel that great either last night. I had been in Singapore for a stock take exercise from Monday, and having arrived in KL yesterday afternoon, I came straight to the office for quite a bit of unfinished business. After a day of climbing up oil tanks and walking around the oil terminal, I felt like I could do with an extra day off work. Yeah I know… what a sissy.

Work is murder of late, or at least it seems until I’m sharp enough to change the situation. I always blame myself for the circumstances that I’m in. That’s probably due to my own nature that I somehow feel I have the power to change most of the circumstances that I get myself into. As a result in the event that I don’t, I get depressed too easily. And when I feel that people are upset with me for my lack of sensitivity or sharpness to read the situation, the feeling is even worse.

My feelings is sometimes a complicated web of emotions and reasons. Sometimes I get too tired to reason things out, and I just resign to forget about the whole matter. Don’t get me wrong. I just forget about the confrontational part. I just need the gist of the argument. Just tell me what I need to know, slam-wham-bam, and I’ll get it done. I hate confrontations, and I don’t like to get into arguments. Sometimes we get ourselves dragged into long arguments and confrontations that most of the times we find ourselves forgetting what all the fuss is about in the first place. And chances are by that time, you might have said the things you’ll be sorry for later. So to make sure that I don’t end up doing much damage, I try to minimise the argument time to a certain limit. 5, 10 minutes maybe. Don’t prolong it... but I’m guilty of overdrive too sometimes. And I hate it when I do that.

I tend to shut things I don’t like out, and I choose to live with the rosy parts of life. Maybe it’s my way of looking at things from the bright side of life. Some people probably do not get that about me, and I usually get branded insensitive as a result. Maybe there’s some truth in that anyway. Many rights can’t make a wrong, right? I don’t know. And in typical me fashion, most of the time I don’t care...

I am just sorry for the way I am. I’ll try to get things right.