These are difficult times. I have to admit I have never felt this way before for a long time. I have been struggling to find ways to cheer myself up. All to no avail. There is this struggle within me to convince myself that I am worthy, or that everything will turn out ok. It scares me at times that I worry about almost everything almost everyday these days, that it almost feels like I am lost walking in a very dark and foggy forest. There is that real fear within me that I may not be able to find the light in the sky anytime soon.

It is funny how even the smallest of changes can accumulate and end up becoming something so big and potentially life-changing. It feels as though this feeling I am having now has started quite a while back, although I suspect back then it was a feeling which I could manage and hide. It has come to a point whereby it bothers me to no end, and it feels as though it is being fed to be be fat enough to whisper negative thoughts into my head incessantly. Thoughts like, "Am I not worthy? Why did I let that happen? Why did I just leave that guy off the hook so easily? I could have done more to make things better..."... these are amongst the thoughts that keep playing in my head at the moment, consciously and subconsciously, and they are could be so deafening that I could sometimes barely hear anything else.

Oh Allah... I have no one else to run to but you. Give me the strength oh Allah. The saddest part in this whole sad episode I am going through now is that, because of what it does to my peace of mind, I can't seem to bring myself to be closer to you. I feel as helpless as a chicken in a slaughterhouse, just waiting for his next turn to be slaughtered. I need the strength... and there is no one in this world but you o Allah who could wake me up from this lowest moment I am going through but You.

I need help... I need to wake up...