The Interview

The Interview

My heart beat was beating faster than normal, and beating faster and louder by the minute like the stompings of a pursuing T-Rex in the movie Jurassic Park. Heck, it was beating so hard at times that my heart felt like jumping out.

Dupp.. dapp.. dup.. dapp…

My state of mind was close to being chaotic. All the facts that I had cramped into my head in the previous week or so were a jumbled mess, and I realised that I was feeling even less confident about the ordeal I was about to go through at that moment then when I firsrt started preparing myself for it. Suddenly, I couldn’t even remember even the stuffs which were supposed to be simple, and belatedly realised that in my attempt to learn stuffs which I wasn’t so good at, I had neglected the stuffs that I do everyday, and as a result risk looking like an incompetent buff who’s been on the job for so long and still didn’t know thoroughly what’s required of me.


This wasn't in the job description!!

The above is the ordeal that I went through in anticipation of my job assessment interview on Tuesday morning.

The job interview, as I’ve mentioned before, is a job assessment process to evaluate whether or not I’m fit to do the job I’ve been doing as a senior executive for the last 5 years. I know it sounds funny. I would think I would have been kicked out of this place if I wasn’t able to do the job for even 3 months, let alone 5 years. But hey, it’s the company’s policy, and you either put up with it or leave, Dilbert-like though it may be.

Looking back in retrospect, I think the interview went quite ok. I wouldn’t say it was brilliant though. My answer to most of the interview questions were at best basic, and in some instances, needed further prompting from my interviewers. Have you ever had that feeling that you could probably have given a better answer, or phrased your answer better, just after you’ve answered a question? That happened to me a lot on Tuesday that by the time we got to the end of the session, I felt too immuned with such situation that I just stopped cringeing anymore whenever it happened again. It’s like developing an anti-body to bee stings after you’ve been stung too many times.

In my opinion, I find the questions to be a bit too technical to be relevant, especially in the context of day to day work. You can say it was quite heavy on the theory side. Questions like definitions of some terms in the accounting standards, and getting asked to elaborate on a few number of standards of my choice. On a day to day application at work however, you can count with the fingers in one hand people who could actually remember all the standards and accounting definitions by hard. Most people (me included) know the general basic characteristics of what is required, and if further references need to be made, then would we refer to the standards literatures available.

Oh well…

On the bright side, the sensation after such a nerve-wrecking experience is one of great relief. Situations like preparing yourself for an interview or exams are always nerve-wrecking, and the nerve dangling experience lies both in the anticipation and the event itself. And in some cases, the anticipation proves the worse of the two in terms of what it does to your composure. The result of the interview will be out in a month’s time, and at this moment at least, I’m just glad that I’m done and over with it.

Pray for me that I’ll make it will ya.

Be Nice To Everyone 'Coz You'll Never Know...

Be Nice To Everyone 'Coz You'll Never Know...

I'm away from the office attending a course today and tomorrow. It is nice to be away from the office once in a while, even though for a simple mandatory course that you have to attend as required by the job. Sort of breaks the monotony of the day to day routine. And anything that breaks the monotony usually has the effect of giving you a kick-start into reality once again, reminding you there is more to life than your 9-5 job and the lunches at Asian Flavours or Signatures. And while we're on the subject of lunches, there is always something to look forward to when it comes to food when you're attending training or courses.

The training I'm attending this next 2 days is an internal training provided by the company I work for, and the norm with internal training is that the trainers are usually senior staffs of the company who volunteers (or rather forced to volunteer really. Like they have the choice anyway... ) to become line trainers. To my surprise, I found out today that the person who provides our training is an acquaintance of mine whom I used to know back when I was in the UK. And he's not any older than I am. I gathered from him over lunch just now that he's now a senior manager in one of the subsidiaries of our company. And to think of I'm still in the midst of an assessment process whether or not I qualify to be doing a senior executive job.

So it was a bit weird having to sit back and listen like a good trainee when I used to not think much of him in the past. You see, we used to have our differences and to cut a long story short, I once did something enough to ruffle his feathers by a bit. He's the typical high energy go-getter whom usually gets on people's nerves, and steps on quite a few of people's feet. Professionally however, I have the utmost respect for him. And putting the baket of sour grapes aside, you can't help but admire someone like him who's gone that far in his career in an environment where such occurences is not the norm for someone his age. On that respect bro, I take my hat off to you.

I don't think he keeps a grudge of what happened between us in the past. He's not really asked me the difficult to impossible questions in class. Well, at least not yet...

An Experience To Remember

An Experience To Remember

My wife and I have been attending ante-natal classes at the Damansara Specialist Hospital for the last 3 weeks. I have to say, the contents of the classes have been very useful, especially for first-born expectants like my wife and me. So far, we’ve learnt of what to expect during pregnancy (though this might come as a bit too late for us, considering my wife is now pretty close to the expected date of delivery), the right diet for the mother-to-be (this one too), arrangements that we should make when the baby is due, suitable physical and breathing exercises for the mother-to-be, and massage techniques for the husband to administer on wifey.

Last night’s lesson however, was arguably the most interesting todate.

We were given a show of the signs to look out for when labour is due. Signs like contractions, and the break of the water bag, and so forth. We were also shown a video of the stages of labour, from the moment the wife’s admitted to the hospital, to the moment when the baby is delivered and then subsequently the removal of the placenta. There are in fact 3 stages of labour. It begins with contractions, which will take place every 10-15 minutes, and the cervix will open up to 3cm. At this stage, the opening of the cervix will be at 1cm in every 1 hour. This is also when the water bag will burst.

The 2nd stage of labour is when the cervix will open up to 10cm. Contractions now become more regular at every 4-5 minutes. This is the stage when the baby will be delivered, and the mother would have to push as advised by the doctor. There’s a wide misconception that labour ends with the delivery of the baby when in fact it doesn’t. This stage is arguably the most excruciating one. Mothers-to-be are advised to try and relax at this stage and try to take their minds off the pain by trying to focus an imaginary target where they would focus their pushing. Some doctors even suggest reciting of prayers or poetry, or even focus on their husbands who would be standing by their side.

The 3rd stage takes place after the baby is safely delivered, and it’s when the placenta is removed, and the mid-wife claims “when the father no longer focuses his attention to the mother”. Tsskk…. So daddies to be out there, remember that all is not over yet after the baby’s out. The mother still needs your support emotionally and physically to push the placenta out. I shall take a mental note of that too come the day.

In short, my wife summarises the stages with the following:

1st stage: longer but less painful
2nd stage: shorter, but in terrible pain
3rd stage: shortest

Hehe...

The video show was a very useful visual exercise of what we should expect when the real moment of labour comes. It was also helpful in playing down the fears of some of us, who would be experiencing this miracle moment of child birth only for the first time. I’ve learnt to appreciate what all mothers would have to go through in bringing a life into this world. And that is not to mention the 9 months of sacrifice and discomfort that they would have to go through prior to that ultimate moment. And to think of, all we men had to do in contribution is making a small deposit on one night and just wait for the delivery after 9 months. We men do have the easy way out in the whole subject of procreation.

We were then took for a tour around the hospital to the labour and maternity wards. It felt like a privilege experience to be allowed into the labour ward. The place is closed to the general visitors to the hospital, and is only opened to women in the 3rd stage of labour and her next of kin, usually the husband. We were shown the room where the child birth process will take place.

This is when I made one of the most memorable volunteer of my life.

The mid-wife was showing us the arrangement of the labour ward on the day of labour, and we were having a simulation exercise of where everyone would be in the room on the big day. Understandably of course, I was keen to know where the father would be standing in the middle of all the excitement that day. So instinctively when the mid-wife asked who would like to volunteer, I said “I’ll do it” without even giving it a second thought.

The stunned reaction from the mid-wife to my spontaneous volunteer should have given me a hint of what was to come. I simply thought I was volunteering to stand where the husband would be standing on the day of labour, where I would be lending my hand and support to my wife. Instead I had volunteered to be ‘my wife’, and simulate the whole posture of being in labour. I was asked to lie down on the bed, spread my legs wide, and hold on to the railings in a comfortable position to push, and then simulated how the pushing is done.

I felt like the Ultimate Exhibit in front of the 10-odd couples who were there. I couldn’t quite see where my wife was as she was looking away, quite unable to control her laughter at my ordeal. I’m quite happy to say however I must have made quite a realistic exhibit, as I gave it my all when asked to push. Hehe… The bed was rather comfortable however, and at least I have had the first hand experience to tell my wife I’ve been there before. Hehe...

Wifey was still laughing heartily at the whole incident as we left the hospital last night. She said she might just be reminded of the whole thing again when she’s on the labour bed herself on the day of labour, and might just blurt out laughing again.

Well, hopefully I’d done enough to take some of her mind off the pain on that day with such a memory.

Light At The End Of A Short Tunnel

Light At The End Of A Short Tunnel

It's another Monday morning, and up to this point at least, I'm glad to say that I'm not feeling as much blues as I usually do on this day. The experience of last week when i felt mostly like a zombie throughout the whole week had made me to reflect on my perception of myself, work, and life in general. And among other things, I've realised that perhaps the reason why I felt so lousy and bored at work last week was because I was beginning to feel too big or too good for the work I'm doing now. Bruce Lee once said, empty your cup, and it shall be filled. And with respect to this metaphore, I must have been like an overflowing cup last week. I wasn't feeling the excitement of what I'm doing anymore.


Not today

To be fair to myself, I was feeling a bit burnt out as well. The drill of the accounts month end closing was pushing me to the edge, while at the same time, my colleague-from-hell never failed to drive me up the wall. I've reflected on my perception of her as well, and I felt perhaps I've been a bit harsh with the way I treated her. We had a blow-up two weeks ago, and in my frustration I said some things which I wish I hadn’t. She was very defensive mind you, and wasn’t willing to take any of my criticism without a fight. I think most people like her are like that. Granted, she has also successfully driven other people in the office up the wall too, and even my boss has begun to lash the whip a little bit when dealing with her. Again, I'm not saying that I will just live with her lackadaisical attitude, rather I'm not going to let it get to me as much. Life is too precious and too short to let some egg-headed person to mess with it.

The last couple of weeks have also seen my weight ballooning by quite a bit. I have to admit that when I'm going through a difficult time, I tend to resort to food. Sweet, greasy, and fatty food specifically. Perhaps it is my way of fulfilling myself when I don't feel as fulfilled with some other aspects of my life, serving like some sort of escapade for me. Some other people do it differently. Women are well known to resort to shopping , and I used to know a techy-nerd friend of mine who went on to buy himself a palm-cum-organiser when going through the same phase. Escapades such as these are meant to be temporary only. And in my case at least, it has been 4kgs too long. Yup, I've been the reincarnation of a hippo this last couple of weeks.

So today shall mark as yet another turning point for me. In fact, I believe that our lives are filled with turning points, only that some points are bigger and momentous than others. Momentous ones will be moments like graduating from university, grand achievements or recoveries that would shape your perception on a grand scale. Those happens rather far and few in between. But it is the smaller turning points like the revelation from my recent soul searching episode that usually sustains us on a more frequent basis, and reminds us to have our feet on the ground, when some distractions tend to get to our heads.

I am happy to say that my optimism is back. I feel once again ready to hold any bull by it's horns. Let's hope it's enough to help me shed a couple of kilos as well.

Has Anyone Found A Misplaced Soul?

Has Anyone Found A Misplaced Soul?

In your head, in your head,
Zombie, zombie, zombie,
Hey, hey, hey. What's in your head,
In your head,
Zombie, zombie, zombie?
Hey, hey, hey, hey, oh, dou, dou, dou, dou, dou...
- Zombie, Cranberries -

...because I feel like I have misplaced mine. For the last couple of weeks, I can’t help but feeling like a zombie, moving around not quite aimlessly, but without as much purpose and intent as I would like myself to be. I feel like I’ve been living this last couple of weeks with not so much drive and passion as I would normally be. And when I’ve lost the drive, my judgements tend to be poorer, and I tend to make more mistakes. I’m beginning to place less value on many things that I’m doing. I just feel like saying ‘f**k it’ to most things at the moment.

Been trying to analyse the situation. On the career front, work continues to be the serial-murderer it has always been. I have been doing accounts reconciliation work too much that I just feel like vomitting if I have to do it again. I have two more reports due by the 15th of this month. And to get myself to meet that deadlines is like trying to push a sleeping hippo to do it’s annual physical exercise. It feels like a task of gigantic proportion. How am I supposed to come up with reports when I don’t feel like doing them at the moment? I’m beginning to sense the creeping of a panic attack here. Help!

That looks so tempting...

I think I’m bored. Or maybe overworked. There are thousands of things I could think of doing rather than being in the office today. And top of my list would be to just lie down and sleep for as long as I want. To be in a place where no one will find me to ask about some reports or numbers that I’ve prepared for them. Where I won’t have to worry about job assessments. Where no one talks about work and deadlines. At the moment, even staring at a plain empty wall sounds attractive than being here.

I used to just eat more than I usually do whenever I feel this way. But after gaining almost 3 kilos in 2 weeks now, nothing else has improved apart from the weight. Dang… been stuffing on food suppossedly to have the chemicals to make you happy like chocolates and cakes of late. I’ve come to realise that’s probably not the right solution when my trousers suddenly became tighter than the belt I’m wearing.

Ok la.. let’s see if a cup of San Francisco’s Coffee mocha would do the trick. If that still doesn’t do it for me, maybe a long vacation is the answer. If only I have that many leaves left to take… boo hoo!