A Wish for a Despicable Person

Received an email from work just after dinner that is causing me stress to no end at the moment. My mind can't stop thinking of how annoying it was, and how things could have been said differently. Or how or what i could have done to avoid receiving such language and tone in the email. I rarely wish for bad things to happen to others, but in the case of this one person i will make an exception. I wish for the worst to befall you, and that you will be cursed with a lot of pain, anguish, distress, worry and perpetual failure in whatever you do, for as long as you treat other people in this manner.

Amiin.

Raining in My Heart...

The sun is out - the sky is blue 

there’s not a cloud to spoil the view 

but it’s raining - raining in my heart 

The weather man says clear today 

he doesn’t know you’ve gone away 

and it’s raining - raining in my heart 

Oh, misery - misery 

what’s gonna become of me 

I tell my blues they mustn’t show 

but soon these tears are bound to flow 

cause it’s raining - raining in my heart 

But it’s raining - raining in my heart 

And it’s raining - raining in my heart

By Buddy Holly

Letting Go...

I just have to accept that what i expect will not happen, and then maybe it will be easier for me to be at peace with what's going on. Maybe then there will not be too much resistance, and less tension. 

But..

Maybe then we'll just drift apart and diverge in our own ways... Lost in our own paths that brings our own personal comfort and complacency. Just like the universe itself which keeps expanding itself, it seems like the natural order of things to drift apart and diverge from the original point of emergence. Sometimes the force of divergence is too strong and so varied in its form, just holding on can be such a stressful and painful experience. At times, such as now, i do not know whether i should care. 

Maybe i just have too many ideals. And my ideals are just not acceptable to some. Maybe people find them bothersome. The suggestion to accept my ideals becomes like an intrusion, a question of the validity of one's own ideals. People get defensive. They fight back. They become contemptuos. Hence, what started as an attempt in sharing ideals for the common good instead becomes a game of contempt, bad faith, anger and frustration.

The last straw will be the lost of hope and faith. As it is now, it feels like the last straw may have been nudged enough to fall loose with the slightest of pull next.

Maybe i just have to accept the inevitable. Maybe then i will be at peace again and be able reconstruct my spirits to be strong and independent again. Maybe then the hurt will go, or at least not as intense.

Maybe...