Is This As Good As It Gets?

The weekend has been a hectic one for me. Basically, it has been hectic since the beginning of last week when I had to go to Jakarta for a one day business trip. There is just so much to do in so little time, it feels like being asked to eat 5 large super supreme pizzas in 5 minutes, only that eating pizzas would at least be a more attractive proposition.

In my quest to try get more things done in a day, I have trained myself to utilise as much free time as possible to do work, and am now training myself to begin my day as early as 4 in the morning to cover more ground. It seems like the only way out of this predicament that work has put me in.

It's just a bit sad when you think of it, how much we have to endure just to make a living. Well, I do not intend to sound ungrateful with the situation I'm currently in. At least I do have a job, a roof to live under, a car that I can drive around with, enough food to bring back home at the end of the day, and with some spare change to plan for the ocassional family holidays. I can still say that my situation is much better than probably millions of people out there who are probably not as fortunate to have these basic needs at their disposal. Given such considerations, I know I should be happy.

But is this as good as it gets? The lifestyle of leaving home for work at the break of dawn, and returning only once after the sun has set, not being able to spend quality time with your family? Getting stressed over the organisation's business at work, getting pushed to swallow 5 or more equally urgent things to get done in a week, resulting in consistent stress and pressure that you dream about the assignmens you've not done even in your sleep? Not being able to give more back to your parents now when they're still around and healthy, because there is just isn't enough time because of the work, and money because you make only a measly amount of salary? Wifey had to stay in the office yesterday till 10 at night to finish a report for submission today (yeah on Sunday), missing a family dinner we had last night.

Again, is this really as good as it get?

It has made me to reflect upon what we're doing, and why we're doing it. Is this life in the corporate world something that I have to contend with for the rest of my life? Am I really enjoying doing what I'm doing, solving the company's problems, dealing with difficult people and situations, and probably won't get rewarded as well as the other person who is a better employee and and high-flying 'servant' of the company? Do I want to be rewarded as such anyway, and being given even more work and having to give more of my time for the extra special perks that come with the job and position, and having no time to enjoy them anyway because the work will not allow me to do so?

Really it has got me thinking.

I was browsing through the net today and incidentally bumped into this article of how some teenagers in the USA and UK have made it big by pursuing ventures which they have real passion in, and pressed on those passion to become teenage millionaires. While the other kids in this teenage success stories made their mints from the internet, the succes of Fraser Doherty from Edinburgh, Scotland probably means much more as he made it big by only selling jams from his grandmother's recipe, which he started out by selling to his neighbours in his neighbourhood in Edinburgh. He practically started the business in the kitchen of his parents' home, at the age of only 14! And now at age 19, his jams are now selling at Tescos and Waitroses chains across the UK and his worth is estimated to be around $1 million - $2 million. I would probably get to that amount at 55 upon my retirement, and even then accounting for effects of inflations in the future, it would probably be good just good enough to put me in a retirement home! Doherty's advice sounds so simple yet inspiring, "Have an attitude of adventure, and enjoy the journey."

Teenage millionaire, Fraser Doherty. "I can't be preoccupied with the money," says Doherty. "I make jam because it's what I love to do." I hope I can say the same about what I'm doing for a living...

I wish I have that sense of adventure, and the courage to explore the possibilities out there. I need to open my eyes, and learn what makes these people succeed in these enterprises they are in. Life has so much to offer, and all I do about it is sit behind a desktop computer in the office over 12 hours a day, and getting paid just enough to last until my next paycheck. My life feels wasted in here to get by every month, while some people are getting rich doing something they have fun doing.

I am convinced this is not as good as it gets. And I endeavour to do something about it.

Real Love

Today is the second day of the Chinese New Year public holiday in Malaysia. I am currently lounging at home with Insyirah, although Insyirah won't exactly allow me to lounge around when I'm with her alone at home. When I'm at home, she gets rather restless when I'm out of her sight. She'll be clinging on me all the time, which makes it rather difficult for me to do anything else. It's 'Abah do this' and 'Abah do that' all the time, with me being clueless most of the time of what she wants. Being a parent apparently requires you to have the skill to decipher your child's language, mood swings, and things which you could not deal with your normal understanding of good reason. Because to children, good reason is when they get what they want, even though they themselves do not know what they are. You get what I mean?

At the point of writing, I'm sitting in front of the TV with Insyirah watching the Tigger and Pooh Movie on Playhouse Disney, Insyirah doing so while sucking milk from her bottle. She's temporarily distracted, which leaves me with some little time to write this post. She has one hand holding the sarong I'm wearing, for extra certainty that I won't be going anywhere. Hehe... well, I've always wanted a girl to want me to be around so badly. I guess now I get my wish.

Songs and Nostalgias

Anyways, I have been in a rather nostalgic mood of late. I'm not quite sure what triggers it, although I suspect the stress that is created from my work at the office might be the reason. I've found out that when I'm so stressed out, some old memories will suddenly surface to my consciousness. It is like the stress is trying to use up all the resources of my mental capability that it pushes out some memories which are in the archive of my mind. Some memories dates back from as far as my days in kindergarten, and some are melancholic in nature like the lonely days when I was in a public boarding school in the UK doing my A-levels. These memories come back to me in dreamlike replays. And some of them do have the effects of stirring the emotion to some extent.

Dogged by this feeling of reminiscing old memories, I have been browsing e-snips to search for some songs I used to listen in the past. You know how songs have the effect of stirring old memories? I would listen to some songs that I used to listen in the past, and I would almost instantly get flashbacks of certain past events, and the emotions that I felt back then. For instance, whenever I hear Celine Dion's 'My Heart Will Go On', I could almost feel the same winter chill in London in December 1997, the same loneliness of being in isolation, the same feeling of being deserted, just a few days after the girl I had a crush on dumped me for my room mate. There will be more on this story at another time. My point is that songs do have that funny effect of playing with your emotions and stirring old memories, to almost a physical extent.

So while browsing through e-snips today, I came across the Beatles' Real Love, a song the legendary British group recorded in the mid 1990s when they reunited temporarily. I was in my first year in the UK at the time, and it was during the Easter holidays when I first heard the song. I was staying with friends in the apartment rented by our scholarship sponsors in Bayswater London, and I remember those days to be one of the most carefree moments in my life. There were no such worries about work, no heavy responsibilities, and no one depending upon you. It was all about looking forward to the next day, and enjoying the spring in the UK. I remember waking up listening to the song, to the smell of the burning heater in our cold apartment rooms, and having a bowl of Kellog's Crunchy Nut for breakfast. Everyday during the Easter holidays was either about playing football at Hyde Park, or going to the movies at Whiteley's. Those really were the days...

My Real Loves

Apart from it's nostalgic value, the song also has such a meaningful lyric. It speaks / implies of finding true love, and that the purpose of our whole life is probably to wait for that true love of ours to find us. All my life, I have only probably experienced that feeling of arrival, of my true love finding me, twice. And even then I was caught by surprise by those moments.

When did I know I loved my wife? I was about to board a plane to the UK for my brother's graduation in July 2004. I had yet to marry my wife back then, we were engaged and about to be married in September. We had never separated for very long since our engagement. Given that we work in the same place, we would get to see each other almost every day. My going to the UK meant I would not be seeing her for 2 weeks. It didn't appear to matter much to me at first. Until I spoke to her over the phone before boarding the plane.

It began like a casual conversation, and the normal stuffs you would say when saying goodbye. But when I was about to end the conversation, a sudden choking feeling overcame me, and I felt a lump forming in my throat. I said my last goodbye before boarding the plane with my voice shaking, and with some tears welling in my eyes. For the first time ever, I shed a tear over a girl. And it was only a goodbye over 2 weeks! My feelings have been taken hostage by her since then, and I've not spent time apart from her for more than a day without feeling miserable. I knew then as I know now, that my real love has arrived.

And the only other time that feeling has been topped or equalled? Of course, when Insyirah came to our lives. The feelings that I have over my daughter can only be described as magical, and there's nothing I wouldn't do for her. A father's love for his child is one that needs to be experienced to be understood. It will change your values to the core. It turns you into a totally new man altogether. I guess, real love does that to most of us.

I have to go. Insyirah is now crying out for her favourite snack, the banana.

Here's the Beatles' Real Love. My tribute to the loves of my life.

My lovely wife.
My beautiful daughter.



(Tip to listen to the song: Click pause at the page default music widget at the right bottom of the side bar before clicking on play on the above widget to avoid the 2 music overlapping. TQ!)

Real Love
by The Beatles

All my little plans and schemes
Lost like some forgotten dream
Seems like all I really was doing
Was waiting for you

Just like little girls and boys
Playing with their little toys
Seems like all they
really were doing
Was waiting for love

Don't need to be alone
No need to be alone

It's real love
It's real, yes it's real love
It's real

From this moment on I know
Exactly where my life will go
Seems that all I really was doing
Was waiting for love

Don't need to be afraid
No need to be afraid

It's real love
It's real, yes it's real love
It's real

Thought I'd been in love before,
But in my heart I wanted more
Seems like all I really was doing
Was waiting for you

Don't need to be alone
No need to be alone

It's real love
Yes it's real, yes it's real love
It's real, yes it's real love...

Good Day Out For The Gooners

Back at the top...

Arsenal gave another outstanding display of their attractive brand of football to brush aside a Man City side 3-1 in an EPL game last night. The scoreline flattered a lil bit, although the Gunners were clearly the dominant team throughout the game. The victory was rather satisfying, given that Man City have been unbeaten throughout the season at their home venue and were expected to give Arsenal trouble. The media had been usually sceptical of Arsenal getting anything positive out of this game, and the doomsayers were expecting them to drop some points facing an in-form man city.

I read a review in one paper before the game and was irked when the review was written implying a gap will be created between Arsenal and Man Utd (who were join leaders before the matches began on Saturday) come end of the day with Man Utd expected to pull away ahead. It even went to belittle Man Utd's opponent of the day, Arsenal's traditional neighbouring nemesis Tottenham Hotspurs, saying the London team, although currently in good form, would find the Red Devils too hot to handle and Man Utd were expected to bag the 3 points. I mean, on what basis was this prediction written? Sure, Man Utd has been in a hot streak of late, steamrolling over their opponents with such ease, but do give credit to the Gunners where it's due. They have been firing from all cylinders as well, and although not as clinical as Man Utd, they're up there on top with them for a reason. So you can imagine how satisfied I was to find out that Man Utd only managed a measly draw against Spurs, and even that was a courtesy of a late equaliser in the 4th minute of injury time.

Of course, the season still has 5 months to go and anything can happen in that time. On top in January doesn't guarantee finishing there come end of the season. The doomsayers will continue predicting our fall by the wayside, but I bet we can go all the way.

Go Gunners!