Is This As Good As It Gets?

The weekend has been a hectic one for me. Basically, it has been hectic since the beginning of last week when I had to go to Jakarta for a one day business trip. There is just so much to do in so little time, it feels like being asked to eat 5 large super supreme pizzas in 5 minutes, only that eating pizzas would at least be a more attractive proposition.

In my quest to try get more things done in a day, I have trained myself to utilise as much free time as possible to do work, and am now training myself to begin my day as early as 4 in the morning to cover more ground. It seems like the only way out of this predicament that work has put me in.

It's just a bit sad when you think of it, how much we have to endure just to make a living. Well, I do not intend to sound ungrateful with the situation I'm currently in. At least I do have a job, a roof to live under, a car that I can drive around with, enough food to bring back home at the end of the day, and with some spare change to plan for the ocassional family holidays. I can still say that my situation is much better than probably millions of people out there who are probably not as fortunate to have these basic needs at their disposal. Given such considerations, I know I should be happy.

But is this as good as it gets? The lifestyle of leaving home for work at the break of dawn, and returning only once after the sun has set, not being able to spend quality time with your family? Getting stressed over the organisation's business at work, getting pushed to swallow 5 or more equally urgent things to get done in a week, resulting in consistent stress and pressure that you dream about the assignmens you've not done even in your sleep? Not being able to give more back to your parents now when they're still around and healthy, because there is just isn't enough time because of the work, and money because you make only a measly amount of salary? Wifey had to stay in the office yesterday till 10 at night to finish a report for submission today (yeah on Sunday), missing a family dinner we had last night.

Again, is this really as good as it get?

It has made me to reflect upon what we're doing, and why we're doing it. Is this life in the corporate world something that I have to contend with for the rest of my life? Am I really enjoying doing what I'm doing, solving the company's problems, dealing with difficult people and situations, and probably won't get rewarded as well as the other person who is a better employee and and high-flying 'servant' of the company? Do I want to be rewarded as such anyway, and being given even more work and having to give more of my time for the extra special perks that come with the job and position, and having no time to enjoy them anyway because the work will not allow me to do so?

Really it has got me thinking.

I was browsing through the net today and incidentally bumped into this article of how some teenagers in the USA and UK have made it big by pursuing ventures which they have real passion in, and pressed on those passion to become teenage millionaires. While the other kids in this teenage success stories made their mints from the internet, the succes of Fraser Doherty from Edinburgh, Scotland probably means much more as he made it big by only selling jams from his grandmother's recipe, which he started out by selling to his neighbours in his neighbourhood in Edinburgh. He practically started the business in the kitchen of his parents' home, at the age of only 14! And now at age 19, his jams are now selling at Tescos and Waitroses chains across the UK and his worth is estimated to be around $1 million - $2 million. I would probably get to that amount at 55 upon my retirement, and even then accounting for effects of inflations in the future, it would probably be good just good enough to put me in a retirement home! Doherty's advice sounds so simple yet inspiring, "Have an attitude of adventure, and enjoy the journey."

Teenage millionaire, Fraser Doherty. "I can't be preoccupied with the money," says Doherty. "I make jam because it's what I love to do." I hope I can say the same about what I'm doing for a living...

I wish I have that sense of adventure, and the courage to explore the possibilities out there. I need to open my eyes, and learn what makes these people succeed in these enterprises they are in. Life has so much to offer, and all I do about it is sit behind a desktop computer in the office over 12 hours a day, and getting paid just enough to last until my next paycheck. My life feels wasted in here to get by every month, while some people are getting rich doing something they have fun doing.

I am convinced this is not as good as it gets. And I endeavour to do something about it.

Real Love

Today is the second day of the Chinese New Year public holiday in Malaysia. I am currently lounging at home with Insyirah, although Insyirah won't exactly allow me to lounge around when I'm with her alone at home. When I'm at home, she gets rather restless when I'm out of her sight. She'll be clinging on me all the time, which makes it rather difficult for me to do anything else. It's 'Abah do this' and 'Abah do that' all the time, with me being clueless most of the time of what she wants. Being a parent apparently requires you to have the skill to decipher your child's language, mood swings, and things which you could not deal with your normal understanding of good reason. Because to children, good reason is when they get what they want, even though they themselves do not know what they are. You get what I mean?

At the point of writing, I'm sitting in front of the TV with Insyirah watching the Tigger and Pooh Movie on Playhouse Disney, Insyirah doing so while sucking milk from her bottle. She's temporarily distracted, which leaves me with some little time to write this post. She has one hand holding the sarong I'm wearing, for extra certainty that I won't be going anywhere. Hehe... well, I've always wanted a girl to want me to be around so badly. I guess now I get my wish.

Songs and Nostalgias

Anyways, I have been in a rather nostalgic mood of late. I'm not quite sure what triggers it, although I suspect the stress that is created from my work at the office might be the reason. I've found out that when I'm so stressed out, some old memories will suddenly surface to my consciousness. It is like the stress is trying to use up all the resources of my mental capability that it pushes out some memories which are in the archive of my mind. Some memories dates back from as far as my days in kindergarten, and some are melancholic in nature like the lonely days when I was in a public boarding school in the UK doing my A-levels. These memories come back to me in dreamlike replays. And some of them do have the effects of stirring the emotion to some extent.

Dogged by this feeling of reminiscing old memories, I have been browsing e-snips to search for some songs I used to listen in the past. You know how songs have the effect of stirring old memories? I would listen to some songs that I used to listen in the past, and I would almost instantly get flashbacks of certain past events, and the emotions that I felt back then. For instance, whenever I hear Celine Dion's 'My Heart Will Go On', I could almost feel the same winter chill in London in December 1997, the same loneliness of being in isolation, the same feeling of being deserted, just a few days after the girl I had a crush on dumped me for my room mate. There will be more on this story at another time. My point is that songs do have that funny effect of playing with your emotions and stirring old memories, to almost a physical extent.

So while browsing through e-snips today, I came across the Beatles' Real Love, a song the legendary British group recorded in the mid 1990s when they reunited temporarily. I was in my first year in the UK at the time, and it was during the Easter holidays when I first heard the song. I was staying with friends in the apartment rented by our scholarship sponsors in Bayswater London, and I remember those days to be one of the most carefree moments in my life. There were no such worries about work, no heavy responsibilities, and no one depending upon you. It was all about looking forward to the next day, and enjoying the spring in the UK. I remember waking up listening to the song, to the smell of the burning heater in our cold apartment rooms, and having a bowl of Kellog's Crunchy Nut for breakfast. Everyday during the Easter holidays was either about playing football at Hyde Park, or going to the movies at Whiteley's. Those really were the days...

My Real Loves

Apart from it's nostalgic value, the song also has such a meaningful lyric. It speaks / implies of finding true love, and that the purpose of our whole life is probably to wait for that true love of ours to find us. All my life, I have only probably experienced that feeling of arrival, of my true love finding me, twice. And even then I was caught by surprise by those moments.

When did I know I loved my wife? I was about to board a plane to the UK for my brother's graduation in July 2004. I had yet to marry my wife back then, we were engaged and about to be married in September. We had never separated for very long since our engagement. Given that we work in the same place, we would get to see each other almost every day. My going to the UK meant I would not be seeing her for 2 weeks. It didn't appear to matter much to me at first. Until I spoke to her over the phone before boarding the plane.

It began like a casual conversation, and the normal stuffs you would say when saying goodbye. But when I was about to end the conversation, a sudden choking feeling overcame me, and I felt a lump forming in my throat. I said my last goodbye before boarding the plane with my voice shaking, and with some tears welling in my eyes. For the first time ever, I shed a tear over a girl. And it was only a goodbye over 2 weeks! My feelings have been taken hostage by her since then, and I've not spent time apart from her for more than a day without feeling miserable. I knew then as I know now, that my real love has arrived.

And the only other time that feeling has been topped or equalled? Of course, when Insyirah came to our lives. The feelings that I have over my daughter can only be described as magical, and there's nothing I wouldn't do for her. A father's love for his child is one that needs to be experienced to be understood. It will change your values to the core. It turns you into a totally new man altogether. I guess, real love does that to most of us.

I have to go. Insyirah is now crying out for her favourite snack, the banana.

Here's the Beatles' Real Love. My tribute to the loves of my life.

My lovely wife.
My beautiful daughter.



(Tip to listen to the song: Click pause at the page default music widget at the right bottom of the side bar before clicking on play on the above widget to avoid the 2 music overlapping. TQ!)

Real Love
by The Beatles

All my little plans and schemes
Lost like some forgotten dream
Seems like all I really was doing
Was waiting for you

Just like little girls and boys
Playing with their little toys
Seems like all they
really were doing
Was waiting for love

Don't need to be alone
No need to be alone

It's real love
It's real, yes it's real love
It's real

From this moment on I know
Exactly where my life will go
Seems that all I really was doing
Was waiting for love

Don't need to be afraid
No need to be afraid

It's real love
It's real, yes it's real love
It's real

Thought I'd been in love before,
But in my heart I wanted more
Seems like all I really was doing
Was waiting for you

Don't need to be alone
No need to be alone

It's real love
Yes it's real, yes it's real love
It's real, yes it's real love...

Good Day Out For The Gooners

Back at the top...

Arsenal gave another outstanding display of their attractive brand of football to brush aside a Man City side 3-1 in an EPL game last night. The scoreline flattered a lil bit, although the Gunners were clearly the dominant team throughout the game. The victory was rather satisfying, given that Man City have been unbeaten throughout the season at their home venue and were expected to give Arsenal trouble. The media had been usually sceptical of Arsenal getting anything positive out of this game, and the doomsayers were expecting them to drop some points facing an in-form man city.

I read a review in one paper before the game and was irked when the review was written implying a gap will be created between Arsenal and Man Utd (who were join leaders before the matches began on Saturday) come end of the day with Man Utd expected to pull away ahead. It even went to belittle Man Utd's opponent of the day, Arsenal's traditional neighbouring nemesis Tottenham Hotspurs, saying the London team, although currently in good form, would find the Red Devils too hot to handle and Man Utd were expected to bag the 3 points. I mean, on what basis was this prediction written? Sure, Man Utd has been in a hot streak of late, steamrolling over their opponents with such ease, but do give credit to the Gunners where it's due. They have been firing from all cylinders as well, and although not as clinical as Man Utd, they're up there on top with them for a reason. So you can imagine how satisfied I was to find out that Man Utd only managed a measly draw against Spurs, and even that was a courtesy of a late equaliser in the 4th minute of injury time.

Of course, the season still has 5 months to go and anything can happen in that time. On top in January doesn't guarantee finishing there come end of the season. The doomsayers will continue predicting our fall by the wayside, but I bet we can go all the way.

Go Gunners!

Child's Play

In my room on a Sunday evening, a conversation between 2 girls were overheard:

Hannah: Insyirah... let's play robot.

Insyirah: (Preoccupied with doing her stuffs... not really responding to Hannah's invitation).

Hannah then takes an empty medium sized basket meant for filling folded, newly washed clothes and puts it over Insyirah's head.

Insyirah now looks like a medium sized lampshade, and walks about in slow, mechanical footsteps, a fair imitation of a robot. She advertently walks out of the room in this state. Hannah then closes the door, leaving Insyirah outside.

A soft knock was then heard on the door from outside, the tapping of the small knuckles of a little girl was unmistakeable.

Hannah: (Opens the door to find Insyirah with the basket now off her head, looking rather discontently at her). Insyirah, you're a robot! (Saying it disapprovingly and grabbing the basket and putting it on top of Insyirah's head again).

Insyirah once again walks about in robot-like manner, and walks outside. Hannah once again closes the door behind her.

This time Insyirah could be heard babbling from outside already, once again knocking on the door. Hannah opened the door, to find Insyirah now with a pouted look on her face, the basket once again removed.

Hannah attempted to put the basket on Insyirah's head again, but this time was met with disapproval by the feisty smaller girl. She started babbling in her own baby language, but a few distinct words could be made out such as "I'm tired...walking... outside". Her hands were placed on her waist in a show of disapproval, and she was following Hannah all over the room voicing her discontent for being made to play the robot on her own outside while Hannah stayed in the room.

After close to 5 minutes of lecturing, Hannah finally responded:

Hannah: Ok! Ok! Alright! Alright!

There was later a cacophany of their voices try to talk above the other, one stil unhappy at what she was made to do, and the other in defense saying that she gets the point by now and was (probably) sorry for her actions. This was when I interrupted the two of them and played the peacekeeper once again.

It is just absorbing to see the two of them play together. One moment they are in harmony and approving, the next moment they are shouting at each other, even involved in a mini scuffle at times. Insyirah sometimes forget that she's the smaller of the two, and stands up to Hannah like she's her equal. All the same, they would forget their dispute almost instantly it started and play together again.

*Sigh*... kids. I just adore them.

Of Mice and Men

I've been reading John Steinbeck's classic Of Mice and Men these last two weeks. The book can be considered to be a light read, with only 113 pages thick. An avid reader with better discipline and focus would probably be able to finish reading it in one sitting. However, I on the other hand suffers from the habit of wanting to take in word for word any literature that I read, hence I read very slowly. Coupled with the fact that I have a short term attention span, which means that my interest would quickly wane after about 30 minutes of reading, has contributed to the reason why it has taken me close to 2 weeks to finish reading the book.

I have had Of Mice and Men ever since I was in secondary school. In fact, I won the book as a prize for getting the best grade in the English subject in my school at the time (I have to admit standards were not high at the school at the time...). Although the book can be considered student-friendly in terms of its light content and size, I have to say the American colloquial language that the author uses in the book hardly makes it suitable for an English student who reads it with the intention to improve his command of the language. Not to mention some extent of vulgar language used in it. But apparently the book is required reading material in high schools in the USA, Britain, Australia, New Zealand and Canada, perhaps in part to bring awareness to the societal errors in which Steinbeck aims to bring into light in his book.

The Story

The book tells a story of two migrant workers in California, USA during the Great Depression in the 1930s – George Milton: small in stature, intelligent, and cynical, but caring; and Lennie Small: physically strong, but dim-witted. They come to work in a ranch in Soledad, California with the dream to make big money, with the hope that one day they get to fulfil their shared dream of settling down on their own piece of land.

However, Lennie's dim-wits threatens this dream of theirs, and George keeps having to bail Lennie out of trouble, even at the expense of his own potential and happiness. In the Malay language, the best phrase to describe someone like Lennie would probably be 'bangkai bernyawa', or the living corpse. As I read the book, especially when coming towards the end, I couldn't help feeling how troublesome he is not just to his friend George, but even to himself that he would probably be better off dead. It speaks a lot of George's own patience and loyalty to Lennie and in the book it explains a little bit how and why George came to have this sense of duty to his friend.

Would this odd-couple survive the odds and come out tops with their dreams? I have to admit I did not quite expect the story to end the way it does. But if you have not read it and you want to know what happened at the end, you can always find a copy of it and read it yourself. It only has 113 pages anyway.

Interesting Fact

One of the things that baffles me a little bit about the book is the title. Apart from a reference made to a mouse at the beginning of the story when Lennie was caught hiding a dead mouse in his pocket so he could pet it, the rest of the story had nothing that you could associate with rodents. So I looked up the internet on the background of the book a little bit. Apparently, the author Mr Steinbeck took the title from Robert Burn's poem, To a Mouse which is often quoted as: "The best-laid plans of mice and men go oft awry." He had originally intended to title the book Something That Happened. Burns's poem tells of the regret the narrator feels for having destroyed the home of a mouse while plowing his field; it suggests that no plan is fool-proof and no one can be completely prepared for the future, which pretty much describes the outcome of the story.

A good read.

Weight Loss Challenge: Week 3

Due to various reasons, I didn't get to post the progress of my Weight Loss Challenge last week. I was preoccupied with the Family Day event last Saturday, and as you would note I wasn't feeling well the day after with high fever, which I suspect was due to the strong coffee that I had on Sunday morning. Or maybe it was the 1 and a half Domino's pizzas which I over-sprinkled with chilli flakes on Saturday night. These potentially dehydrating diet, coupled with the fact that I was probably already dehydrated from the exertions of the Family Day on Saturday, probably contributed to the fever that came upon me almost suddenly on Sunday morning.

Ok lah... Maybe I'm making excuses for missing the update. I didn't exactly feel like weighing myself especially after having that 1 and a half pizza that Saturday night.

In truth, I have not been able to give full commitment to my weight loss conquest these last 2 weeks. The work factor is to blame, and I have been stuck in the office till night time for the most part of these last 2 weeks. I do make a point to at least cycle on Saturday mornings, so I guess all is not lost.

I have also decided to make a slight change to the waistline performance indicator. Well, I've figured measuring progress by inches is probably a bit too much to track progress on a weekly basis. You can probably lose a centimetre or two in a week, but an inch? It may be possible, but hey these are fragile moments in the weight loss conquest when even a slight progress is considered victory. So I've decided to measure the progress of my waistline reduction by the centimetre, and hopefully there'll be some progress I can share.

My waistline dropped 0.5cm this week. Hoorayy!!

So here are the results of my Weight Loss Challenge in its 3rd week:

Physical Indicators
Start weight: 81.1kg
Target weight: 72kg
Achieved after week 3: 79.7kg

Start waistline: 38 inches (96.52cm)
Target waistline: 33 inches (83.82cm)
Achieved after week 3: 38.8 inches (98.5cm)

Can't say if there has been much progress. My weight has remained about the same since the last progress check, although you would notice some marginal reduction of the waistline by half a centimetre. Hehe... any progress, though minimal, is cherished here.

Exercise
I have only managed to cycle a distance of 13 kilometres this week, and apart from that one session on the bike, not much can be said here. Work has been taking up most of my time and it seems that the only time I can squeeze in for an exercise would be early in the morning before going to work. The new pair of swimming trunks is still waiting to be used and I do hope I can start swimming as part of my exercise regime soon.

Food
I've managed to reduce the number of times I consume fast food these last 2 weeks, but whenever I did I would unfortunately help myself to a blockbuster treat. Note the 1 and a half pizza bingeing. I've consistently had small helpings for my meals, but I do hope I can control the fast food urges better in the future.

Summary
Generally, I feel a lot healthier ever since I started on this Weight Loss Challenge conquest. I feel fitter, healthier and at the risk of being accused of being delusional, my body looks more toned than before. Although whatever delusion I might have with that regards was quickly dispelled when, looking at my own side profile in the mirror this morning, I asked my wife what she thought:

Me: Sayang... do you think my tummy is a little flatter now?

Wifey: (With a slight glance at my tummy, non-chalantly responded) No...

Yeah, I need to work harder...

Feeling Under The Weather

I am currently not feeling too well, down with a high fever since yesterday morning. I had anticipated my body to show some effects from the exertions of the Family Day on Saturday, but little did I expect myself to get a fever as a result. I was actually feeling fine until Sunday morning when, window shopping at Centrepoint Bandar Utama, I suddenly felt a draining sensation that made me want to lie down almost immediately. It was weird how the sensation came so suddenly.

Getting sick at this point is a great inconvenience, given how busy things are at the office. I wouldn't be able to get everything done on time even if I was an octopus with 8 hands, now this fever is just going tocause things to pile up. I'm at home now trying to psyche myself up to get some office work done, but Insyirah just wouldn't let me. Feeling sick and light headed, coupled with the distraction from the little one, you can understand the challenges I am facing.

I just have to give it a try... boss is waiting for some updates by 4pm today.

ps: At the point of finishing this entry, I had to play 'peacekeeper' between Hannah and Insyirah over a ball.

Family Day

The department of the company I work in held a Family Day event at the Putrajaya Botanical Garden today. To be honest, I had been looking forward to this event with some great anticipation. I guess such events are more meaningful to you when you already have a family to bring with you, as compared to when you're still single. I have been to a number of family day events in the past, but the motivation of going as a single is of course different. It was probably to check out the babes (if there were any!), and failing that the food and telematches provided some consolation. Now with wifey and Insyirah in tow, I was all bubbly about going to the Family Day.

Me: Ok Insyirah. Here's the game plan!

We got to the place close to 9am, after taking a wrong turn along the way. Without talking about it at length, much needs to be done about the road signages in Putrajaya I have to say. One can get easily disoriented with the confusing road signages, especially when you're late and your tummy is empty. The Botanical Garden itself is a beautiful place. But for such a huge and beautiful place, I felt it was rather deserted of people. Perhaps the place needs a little bit more marketing to create more awareness of its existence.

Me: Insyirah! The race is about to start! It's no time to eat pudding!
Insyirah: Munch.. munch.. i haf juzh a wibble bit more... yum... yum..

After her usual inhibitions, Insyirah really had a ball of a time. She was rather inhibited at first when taking part in the kids telematches. In the "Run to Daddy" game, wifey had to coax her to run towards me who was waiting at the finishing line.
She practically didn't want to run the race and broke down crying in the middle of it, much to the amusement of others. But even then, she managed to get 3rd place as there was another kid who chose to stay static at the starting line. So I guess Insyirah didn't do too bad...

Insyirah: No Ibu! You're going the wrong way. This way!

Later in the morning, we had an adventure treasure hunt ala Explorace. If there's anything I've found out about myself after the race is that I know nuts about plants. The puzzles in the hunt required us to find the names of plants based on the clues and descriptions given, and to be honest I had no inklings what they were about. So I just tagged along with the team, who weren't any wiser. The solutions to the puzzles were

Me: No Insyirah! You're supposed to take the chocolates to the finishing line. Not eat them!
Insyirah: Sorry Abah. I can't resist. Cadbury's my favorite chocolate!

scattered all over the huge park, I must have probably covered about 2 kms running all over the place looking for them. I know I might not bee feeling it now, but I have the feeling my body will be aching all over come tomorrow. It probably served my Weight Loss Challenge well however...

Insyirah on the tram with her new friend, Razin

While I was burning fat running around the Botanical Garden wheezing like a fish which unfortunately got tossed out of the water, wifey and Insyirah sat through a tram ride around the place. The tram is such a good vehicle to get you around the place without having to break much sweat, and I noticed the kids were all excited during the ride. Insyirah made

Razin: Hiya good looking. How ya doing?
Insyirah: Cool hat!

herself acquainted with the son of a colleague of mine while on the ride and they became rather close thereafter. It's just amazing how children could make friends so easily. They have no inhibitions or preconceived perceptions of anyone that they can easily strike a friendship within minutes of meeting each other.

The maestro at work... with mummy at hand of course!

The Masterpiece

Insyirah's spoils at the end of the day

The whole event wrapped up around 2pm, after lunch and the prize giving ceremony. Kids are the ones who enjoy the most in events such as this as they tend to gain so many prizes, even if they didn't do well in any of the events they participated. Insyirah ended up bagging 3 prizes at the end of the day, even finishing 2nd in a coloring contest. Well, the coloring was really mother-assisted as my wife held Insyirah's hand with color pencils in her hand and helped her to color, but who's contesting?

Everyone got his/her prize at the end of the day and went home happy, and that's what matters the most.

Career Resolutions: New Year, New Goals

I came across this article today while I was browsing the office online publication board, and couldn't help nodding my head in agreement while reading it. The writer gives ideas and suggestions on what we can do to boost our career advancement and a package that could give us satisfaction both on the work and domestic front. A lot of good things for anyone who intends to not just do well in their career, but in terms of self development as well.

I especially like the parting advice at the end of the article.

'You will have to think positive, be disciplined and committed so that you can say, "I did", rather than "I should have", when the end of next year rolls around.'

Don't let your sights stray away from the target. Hopefully we all will get to say "I did" come end of the year.

New Year, New Goals
- By Dr Kamal Kant

Here are some ideas to help you craft your career resolutions for 2008.

ARE you thinking about making a fresh beginning in the new year?

Before you do anything, take some time to reflect on what was good or not so good at work over the past 12 months.

Only after that can you ask yourself what you can do to make 2008 a year of career advancement, job enrichment and work performance satisfaction.

The following ideas might provide a good starting point for crafting your own career resolutions for the new year.

1. I will widen my network: Each month, find a way to meet half a dozen new people.

Are there professional associations you can join?

Also try to find time to reconnect with existing contacts.

By the end of 2008, you should have made plenty of new connections and sustained important relationships with ongoing networking and communication.

If you work diligently on this strategy, you will accomplish your resolution.

2. I will update my resume: Never let your resume become outdated. Allocate time every three months to update your resume to include recent projects, new accomplishments, educational courses which you have completed, technology skills you have picked up and professional affiliations you have made.

Review, critique and assess whether your resume will position you effectively in the employment marketplace.

Be sure to review your resume critically at least twice a year to make sure it stays focused on your career aspirations.

You will then be ready to welcome the opportunity when it comes knocking.

Plan well and 2008 could be the year you make a major career transition.

3. I will have a better work-life balance: This could mean a career shift to a part-time or flexible work schedule.

If you are responsible for housekeeping, this may involve paying someone to take care of household chores, dining as a family more regularly, or changing jobs to work in an environment that is more accepting of your personal requirements.

The key is to define what is most important to you and to take steps that will help make your goal of work-life balance a reality.

4. I will take control of my performance: Since your boss or manager generally only recalls your performance from the few months prior to a review, it is up to you to keep track of your accomplishments across the entire year.

To do this, spend five to 10 minutes at the end of each week or month writing down what you have worked on, what you have learnt and how you have contributed to the success of your group, department and organisation.

You will be prepared with plenty of examples when it is time for your next performance review.

5. I will find a mentor or become one: A mentor can play a critical role in advancing someone's career. Whom you seek out depends on what you want.

A mentor inside your organisation might be able to help you navigate the office politics and link you to the informal networks that get you ahead.

By contrast, a mentor outside your organisation can be a truly impartial adviser who has your best interests at heart without interference from organisational politics.

You can also share your experiences with others by volunteering to be a mentor, perhaps to junior co-workers, recent alumni of your university or polytechnic, or people looking to break into your field.

6. I will learn more: Develop new work-related skills, try new hobbies and, generally, stimulate your mind and heart with learning.

Push yourself to try something new.

Going back to take that diploma or degree through evening classes or distance learning could be an important move to get ahead. Always be committed to growing your career.

Set goals carefully
Some say New Year resolutions are a waste of time as they are nothing more than a long list of "should-dos" that people never take seriously anyway.

Make your New Year resolutions for 2008 different.

Take the time to plan them carefully. A long list of resolutions will set you up for failure. Think carefully about what you would like to change.

Be brutally honest with yourself. Your goals should be achievable and realistic.

After you set them, the rest is really up to you.

You will have to think positive, be disciplined and committed so that you can say, "I did", rather than "I should have", when the end of next year rolls around.

Contributed by Dr Kamal Kant, a career management professional and adjunct lecturer. Website: www.nexttransition.com

Weight Loss Challenge: The 1st Week

Today marks the first week since the start of my Weight Loss Challenge. I wrote in my blog a week ago of my target to lose a certain amount of weight and inches this year, as part of my resolution for the year 2008. Goodbye to the old fat and unfit Izwan, and by the end of this year hopefully we can say hello to a brand new and fit me.

I believe one of the challenges faced by anyone attempting to lose weight would be to manage his/her expectations of the results achieved. You kinda expect to see the weighing scale to show a favourable reading just because you took half the usual portion of your lunch on the first day of your diet, and feel disappointed when the reading still shows the same weight (if not more!). I guess I'm no different here in that sense. I've been looking at my side profile in the mirror more regularly than usual in this last week, and I still look no different from a woman who is 8 months pregnant. Sheeshh... I keep having to remind myself this is only the first week, and I have over 40 weeks left in the year to meet the target. This Weight Loss Challenge is a marathon, not a sprint and it is important to keep that into perspective so as not to get easily demoralised.

So what have I achieved in this first week? The following are the KPIs I've set myself, and the results achieved after the first week:

Physical Indicators
Start weight: 81.1kg
Target weight: 72kg
Achieved after week 1: 79.6kg

This might seem a small reduction to some, but considerably huge leap for me. Breaking the 80kg barrier has been rather difficult for me and ducking it in the first week is a welcome result. One cheer here!

Start waistline: 38 inches
Target waistline: 33 inches
Achieved after week 1: 39 inches!

This has come as a surprise. With my weight pointing downwards, I was kinda expecting the waistline to move in a similar direction. Granted however, I did not actually measure my waistline when I indicated it as my starting weight, only based it on the size the waisline of the biggest jeans I've been wearing. Maybe the starting line was bigger, I don't know. I did get someone commenting saying my tummy looked slimmer recently. Maybe it was the shirt I was wearing... anyways, more work need to be done here.

Exercise
I have been rather bullish on this front. The exercise theme this week was cycling, and I had had 3 sessions of cycling covering a distance of 40km altogether. Bought myself a new pair of swimming trunks, so next week might see some variation to my exercise regime. Another cheer here!

Food
I have to admit that I've not been very disciplined on the food front though. For the record, I've been taking fast food numerous times this week (the most recent being the visit to Domino's Pizza this afternoon), and I've been taking ice creams and cheese cakes (it was Affeedz's birthday last week remember) like no one's business. I guess progress would have been more impressive had I had a stronger will when it comes to restraint on my diet. Gotta try harder on this one...

Summary
Although result has been mixed, the physical exercises have had the effect of making me feel active and more alert, hence having a multiplier effect on most of the things I do in the week. The saying a healthy body breeds a healthy mind is true, and I believe should this Weight Loss Challenge of mine becomes a success, I will reap more than what I am bargaining for. The first week has been a relative success. Hopefully i can shed the image of that 8 months pregnant man from my mirror in a couple of weeks time.

Relativity of Perceptions

We were at Sunway Pyramid today. The place has changed a lot since the last time I was there, which to put it into perspective, was only about 4 months ago. They have opened a new wing now called Pyramid 2, in extension of the old wing of the shopping centre. It made us feel disoriented a little bit, and we were suppossed to meet up with the rest of my family for lunch. My father and brother DD were with me, wifey and Insyirah. We called our sister, Lili up to find out where they were.

DD: Where are you guys? We have just entered the building.

Lili: We are in a food court.

DD: Which food court?

Lili: I am not quite sure where this is. But the food court is near McDonald's.

DD: Righty ho. We'll see you there.

So we looked for the direction to the food court. Even asked a couple of Sunway Pyramid janitors and security guards for the way. Apparently we had parked in the new wing, so I had no idea where we were going and the places were not familiar to me. After walking for about 10 minutes in that huge place, we found a food court located within Jusco's. I was feeling kinda hungry by that time, and the smell of hot plate sizzling noodle instantly caught my attention. Yummy...

Wifey: But kak Lili says the food court is near McDonald's. And I know McDonald's is located in the old wing (Pyramid 1).

So we went to ask the security guard who was standing near us.

Guard: Pyramid 1 is that way bang. About 10 minutes walk through that path that connects the 2 wings.

I was already drooling over the hot plate, so you could understand I was feeling a little upset to find out we were not there yet. So we continued walking for another 10 minutes that seemed longer when you're walking with a hungry tummy and finally arrived at McDonald's.

Me: Hmmm... I don't see any food court.

DD: Let's try calling them...

We tried calling them for the next 10 minutes but to no avail. Reception must have been bad where they were. My tummy was growling again... Not knowing where to go and where they were, we just stood around and looking down at people skating at the ice rink. A while later, my phone rang.

Affeedz: I am sorry but the reception is very bad where we are. We are in the food court LOCATED WITHIN JUSCO's. It is in the new wing of Sunway Pyramid.

Me: Wha...? But I thought Lili said the food court is near McDonald's? We were already there at the food court about 10 minutes ago, but since we couldn't find any Mcdonald's there, we made our way here instead.

Affeedz: I don't know how it could be near McDonald's. It is in a totally different building altogether!

Me: Oh well. Since we're here, I think we might as well eat here. I can't walk any further until I eat something.

Affeedz: Ok la.. so we'll see you there after we're done. We've already bought our lunches.

We met up with them after about 20 minutes. I asked my sister why did she say the food court was near McDonald's?

Lili: Isn't it near? It is only 10 minutes away from McDonald's...

Morals of the story:

1. Perception of distance is subjective, and open to different interpretations by different people. 10 minutes walking distance might be short to some people, while my idea of near is if the place is right next door.

2. Be specific when you're asking for direction. General description like 'it is very near', or 'only a few minutes away' are recipes to getting you lost. Ask for exact address, or an exact landmark like the name of the building next to it, etc.

Happy Birthday!

I know this is rather belated, but then it has only occured to this slow pea-brained of mine that family birthdays make excellent themes on one's personal blogs! Silly me... Happy 33rd birthday Affeedz! May you have many prosperous years ahead of you, and all your dreams come true! Unless of course if your dream includes Liverpool winning the Champions League or the English Premier League, then I hope it won't as I'm pinning for Arsenal to achieve that this year! Hehe...


The Cake


The girls lining up for a picture with the birthday boy


"Affeedz: It is my birthday, and I get to blow the candles alright?"


Fat chance. The girls took over and had their salivas blown all over the cake...

Blogging Made Easy

Anyone who has been to my blog over the last couple of weeks would have noticed the significant changes that have been taking place here. For those who have not been here since forever (well, not surprisingly given the pathetic rate of updates here previously) would have felt like someone who only came back to Malaysia after having been abroad for over 30 years. I've made substantial feature updates here recently, that even I am myself impressed with how my blog looks like now.

There is a reason for the sudden flurry of changes here of late. I noted in this blog a couple of weeks ago about my mother in law starting out a new blog, to supplement her writing hobby / part time career. So, knowing that I already have a blog myself, she requested me to create one for her. Up to that point, I've never quite cared to find out how to upgrade the look of my blog, or even the features available out there that I could incorporate in it. Imagine my surprise when I ventured on creating a blog for my mother in law and finding out that the blogging world has taken a quantum leap ever since the days I started blogging.

Blogging has become significantly easier to do now compared to as recent as 3 years ago. I remember how I was struggling to even put up pictures in my posting, let alone to cosmetize its looks. There were not as many websites that offer applications (not to mention excellent and free too!) as there are now. In the 3 days break I had over the Hajj and Christmas holday, I explored and discovered applications to create a new blog, and my did I find myself into a totally new discovery. It did take most of the hours of my 3 days break then, but just like riding a bicycle, once you've learnt it, you won't be needing the tricycle anymore and be cycling without having to hold the handlebars anymore! It is easy to go overboard with adding new features given the stuffs that are available out there, and at certain points I just had to pull the reins and know where to stop. Otherwise it'll be like a street with too many light streamers that you could barely notice the traffic lights! Moderation is still virtue...

So after the end of the 3 days, and with further cosmetising over the last couple of weeks, my mother in law and I managed to create this blog for her. For good measure, she has gone on to create an english version of that same blog for english her english readers.

So what do I do next after having made all these discoveries to do with blogging? Upgrade my own blog of course! My blog has been in a sad state of neglect for a long time, that you could almost sense virtual cobwebs streaming all over it. And I've made a pledge to have more regular updates here this year also, so with hope and luck this blog will not be so dormant. The question is, will there be readers and visitors here after all these years? There might just be me and family members coming by. That's a good start. Until I can be certain of more regular updates, it feels like a false dawn to an era of new beginnings here.

I feel good about the changes I've made here. The blog feels brand new and grand to me. I hope you like it too...

Fit For Life... Not Fat

Nope, I'm not pregnant...

The difference between the word 'fit' and 'fat' is merely the vowel that is between the letter f and t, but in physical terms the difference could not have been more significant. And not to mention the ease and difficulty to transfrom from one form to another and vice versa.

When I was younger, the issue of weight problem seem like someone else's problem. Up to my teenage years, I could munch down up to 3 Big Macs and still had a lot more space for some fries and a big cup of milk shake. And even after all that, I wouldn't feel like exploding like I do now and there would not be even a hint of a bulge on my hard and well-shaped belly.

I remember an incident when I was 13 when my brother, my dad and me were dining at Pizza Hut and we ordered 2 large super supreme pizzas. The waitress who was taking our order, out of a sense of duty, told us that she felt 2 large super supreme pizzas were probably too much for the 3 of us in one sitting. We insisted on our order, and when the pizza came, we gulped everything in less than 20 minutes. And I remember we later ordered some ice cream for desserts...

Those days now feel like distant memories...

Nowadays, maintaining my current weight is a constant struggle, not to mention losing it. Things were probably easier in my pre-married days, when I could gain and lose my weight almost at will. Nowadays, the easier way is always up the weighing scale and going down is tantamount to a small miracle. For the record, I've gained 5 kilos over the last year, 4 inches around the waist... pheww... heck, my belly is even bigger than my wife's when she was pregnant!

So coming to the year 2008, I've made a resolution to at least lose what I've gained in 2007, and maintain a healthy diet and lifestyle. A little cut down on the carbohydrates is required, and a little jolt with the physical exercise will be needed here. I've set myself certain key performance indicators in order to achieve this aim of mine, which are as follows:

Physical indicators
Current weight: 81.1kg
Target weight: 72kg

Current waistline: 38 inches
Target waistline: 33 inches

Exercise
On a weekly basis, I aim to do at least two times of any combination of the following physical exercises:
1. Jogging - 3km
2. Cycling - 10km
3. Swimming - 30 minutes

Food
This is probably the most difficult of all the indicators for me to adhere to. I've always been a lover of fatty foods like the skin of a fried chicken or McDonald's chocolate sundae and apple pie. And to make matters worse, I only take vege and fruits out of necessity, which usually means I do not take them at all most of the time. This is where most resolve is needed.

1. Cut down
Carbohydrates
- 1 scoop of rice per meal, and small portions of side dishes
- only 1 trip per month to any fast food joint per month. The Prosperity Burger season at McDonald's is not going to make this easy...
- only 1 sweet desserts per week.

2. Increase
a. Drink 2 litres of water every day
b. Take fruits for snacking at the office

I will be posting my progress here on a weekly basis. Hoping for a small miracle here. With lots of belief and will power, I might just be able to transform myself from fat to fit.

Wish me luck...

Happy New Year 2008

The Year 2008 began with a bang...

Welcome 2008!

I know the phrase sounds rather cliched, but time really does fly. It feels like it wasn't that long ago that we were celebrating the coming of 2007, and now lo and behold, 2007 has already left us. I realise that the older we get, the faster time seems to pass.

I read somewhere in a science magazine that explains why time seems to go by faster with age. It's got something to do with learning and what the human memory has experienced and. The longer you have lived, you are more likely to have developed routines and habits that you do everyday, hence every day feels about the same to you, giving you a sense that time never really passed. However, remember how a day took forever to pass when you were a kid? That's because a kid didn't have any sets of routines to follow, and every day is discovery for him. A kid has no set of responsibilities and obligations to follow, hence 24 hours could feel like forever. I still remember how I used to feel depress when night falls as a kid, as I felt it would take forever for the next day to come for me to go out and play again.

So perhaps the theme of my new year's resolution should be about making new discoveries, or exploring something new. Well, sometimes new discoveries does not necessarily have to be conquering the Everest or swimming across the English Channel. It could be as close as rebuilding oneself's character, and vowing to make changes in how we carry out our daily lives.

For what they are worth, here are my resolutions for 2008:

1. To become a better muslim
- To perform my daily 5 times prayer on time and promptly.
- To rekindle the habit of reading the Quran and do it more regularly than I am now. As a start, I am setting to at least cover half of the Quran by end of this year.

2. To be a better son, husband, and father
There's so much to learn and improve here. I hope to be more patient, more tolerant, and capable to contribute to my parents as a good son, and be a good example to my wife and daughter as a husband and father respectively. Although I've been married for over 3 years now, and a father in 2 of that years, it's surprising how I'm still dumb and slow when it comes to leading the family by example. And for this, I thank my wife for her patience.

3. To be more organised
Organisation and me have never been good associates. I realise that I do not seem to have the patience to sit down and plan my actions, and once I get things done, I'm never too fond of filing the documents properly. As a result, I have claims receivable outstanding over RM10k spanning over 5 years now. I know it sounds crazy. Which is why I hope to be more organised this year.

4. To lose weight
This has become a more serious issue as the years pass by. The year 2007 has witnessed the darkest moment in the history of my weight issue as I have ballooned to a waist line of 38(!) and exceeded the ceiling weight of 80kg. As a result, I've had 2 changes of trousers in a year from an initial waist line of 34, later to 36, and now 38! I need to pull out the stops at 38, and am currently working towards going back down to my original line. And to show how serious I am, I will be dedicating the progress of my weight loss programme in a weekly posting in my blog labeled 'Weight Loss Challenge'.

5. To pass all my remaining ACCA papers in one sitting
I've had enough of resits, and wasting money as a result. I intend to make it first time passes from June 08 onwards, en route to achieving professional qualification by June 2009. For the record, I have 5 papers to go, after having sat 7 so far.

6. To learn and excel at my new working place
I've only been at my current department for 6 months, and I still have so much to learn. I hope to be as good as most of my colleagues, through their guidance and my own hardwork by end of this year.

7. To have more regular postings in this blog
My mother in law, who now has her own blog remarked that I should make attempts to update it at least once a week. It is good to make the mind active, and detracts me from the mentally draining effects of my office work, which also has the effects of making my mind monotonous. We shall see...

8. To develop a new hobby
I hope to have a hobby which I can undertake weekly, and I intend to take up cycling. It can help me to achieve my weight loss programme at the same time. I have an old bike from the times of my studying days which requires change of tyres and chains. I hope to do this once a week.

9. To inculcate a habit of reading
- I am not much of a reader. I remember when I was a kid, my mom used to remind me like a broken radio that I need to pick up the habit of reading if I ever wanted to improve my English. My proficiency in the English language back then was awful of course, and i used to get nervous whenever I encountered into scenarios when speaking the language is required. I remember an incident when I was in a plane and sitting next to this gentleman which I later found out was an English working for Shell. He initiated a conversation, and I was struggling to find vocabularies to keep up with him. Sensing my struggle, he then chose to converse in good malay instead! Well, I am digressing quite a bit here...

- I hope to broaden my mind and horizon a little bit by picking up the habit of reading, aside from the sports pages of the newspapers and Soccernet.com. I've realised how I lag a little bit with my colleagues and certain friends of mine when it comes to reading interests and general knowledge. I hope to at least read 2 books of fiction and 2 of non-fiction this year, which I hope to be able to make reviews of them here.

Wish me luck.

To anyone out there reading, once again, here's wishing you a happy new year!

Esok Dah Start Kerja...

Today is the last day of my relatively long leave from work before having to go back to the office tomorrow. Last days such as these always have me feeling depressed. Spending the last few moments of freedom away from work, from all sorts of problems that crop up with it, the difficult people, bosses, situations etc. I have deliberately ignored to open my office e-mail since my leave began last Thursday even though my boss had told me to keep on the lookout at this one issue that seems like it would not settle anytime soon. The last couple of days have been filled with national holidays for crying out loud. It's not like people are going to be around even if I did try to carry on working. Hence, I have this dreadful feeling a big avalanche of problems and issues will fall upon me when I get to work tomorrow. *Sigh*...

I spent the last couple of days at my in-laws in Ipoh. My mother in law is starting a new blog. She's a budding novelist you see, with already 4 books to her name, and she feels it appropriate to have a blog of her own as a strategic marketing ploy. As a matter of fact, many novelists in Malaysia do that I've realised. My wife goes onto a number of blogs which actually publish their writings on their respective blogs before publising them into books. It is surprising how many people with the flair for writing are out there. It almost makes you feel yo could even do the same if you really put your mind and will into it. It does make for an interesting idea, but I guess I either do not have the time or creativity to think of a story to write.

Yeah, creativity. I guess I am better at using other people's ideas instead of conjuring up with something original by myself. I like relating stories I've read or movies I've watched and analyse the beauty of the finer points of the stories. A good story is like a good cake I guess, and I think I play the role of the diner better than the chef i.e. I know a good cake when I eat one, but ask me to make one, I don't even know where to start.

But having said all this, I do not deny the whole idea of writing your own book is a very attractive proposition, career and financial wise. Maybe I just need some encouragement to believe that sitting for hours trying to make up a plot for a good story is worth more of my time than being at the office being confronted with neverending issues of my company. Maybe one day if my work becomes bad enough, or maybe when I've become literary enough to start writing anything longer than a page-long of a blog. You never know...

Let's entertain the idea a little further shall we. Izwan the Writer. What would I possibly write about? If I may share, I do fancy stories with themes on time-traveling and fate. With some elements of tragic romance due to unrequited love, or circumstance that would never allow it. Something with a twist in the plot that would make the reader goes 'Ahhhh.... now that's interesting' as he approaches the last few pages of the book.

Hmmm... perhaps I do have something I can work on for a story after all.

In the meantime all I could do is deal with this feeling of depression in anticipation of work tomorrow.

The Week That Was

It has been a most hectic week, filled with so much fanfare, firstly from Insyirah's 2nd birthday bash last Sunday, and secondly from my mother in law's graduation ceremony which took place in the middle of last week. And of course when there's such fanfare, chances are you will get yourself all drained up in the after event.

Insyirah's 2nd Birthday Bash, 12 August 2007



The birthday party was a lively and fun event, although energy sapping altogether. I ended up the day with a slight migraine, but having seen how happy Insyirah was at the end of the day, it was all worth it. My wife bought Insyirah a special white dress with big red polka dots all over it, and Insyirah looked simply adorable in it. And I guess she knew she looked adorable. She was unusually friendly with the guests at the party, shaking hands with the guests, sitting on the laps of some of my guests.

The preparation for the party began rather early in the morning, and I was running around like a headless chicken at the word go the instant I opened my eyes that day. I had decided to cook the main dish for the day, which was chicken and beef beriyani. Hehe... quite a chef am i? Well, the beriyani came in instant packs, although preparing it in such a big scale wasn't exactly a piece of cake. Up to 30 minutes before the party was scheduled to start, I had a scare when the rice didn't quite cook well and was dry. Lucky I managed to get it sorted just before the first guest arrived. Pheww....

We had about 50 guests turning up that day, although we had rsvps confirming attendance up to 100. That's Malaysians to you... so there were plenty of food for everyone.


Guess who actually blew the candles off...

Insyirah's cake was specially ordered from Secret Recipe with a picture of Barney and friends on it. Did you know that Secret Recipe could have any picture you wish on the cakes you buy from them? We thought at first of having Insyirah's pic on the cake, but alas we didn't have any latest pic of her. Since kids are usually crazy about Barney, and Insyirah and Hannah like the purple dinosaur too, we opted for Barney and friends instaed. True enough, kids were demanding to have the portions of the cake with Barney and friends on it.

Happy 2nd Birthday Insyirah. Abah and Ibu (Bubu) loves you so much.

Mum's Graduation, 15 August 2007

My mother in law's graduation took place in USM, Penang. She got her PhD for some research she made (i can't remember the title of the research, but it's loong and something to do with women's titties). We drove to Penang the night of the 14th August 2007. I wasn't able to take leave on the 14th as my work commitment demanded me to be at the office. We left KL around 10pm, and I was determined to get to Penang as quickly as possible. Driving my Inokom Matrix, I wasn't exactly an incarnation of Michael Schumacher, but I was driving faster than my usual pace and more pertinently, ocassonally slightly above the speed limit. I was lucky enough not to get flagged down by the police who set a speed trap along the way. Free je RM300 kalau tidak.. fuhh.. after that close encounter, I abided by the limit and managed to reach Penang, slowly but surely by 3 in the morning.


My superstar Dr. mother-in-law with flowers from her fans after the ceremony...

The ceremony was a very loooong one. Can you believe it actually took over 3 hours?! 3 hours of sitting and looking at hundreds of people getting their scrolls from the university's chancellor. I wonder how the chancellor and the rest of the academic staffs on stage managed to hold in whatever that was in their bladder in that 3 hours. Maybe they had adult diapers on them? Perhaps... Hehe...


Future Dr in the making... Dr Insyirah. Hehe... i like the sound of it.

I am not sure about other local universities here in Malaysia, but when I was in the UK, my own ceremony took only half an hour, maybe 45 minutes tops. But graduation in the UK and Malaysia are really different. In the UK, it felt like an academic event with a very traditional feel to it. Malaysians are probably more festive in nature and the ceremony had an almost TV3's Jom Heboh feel to it. Dengan gerai2 makan, khemah pesta, animal corner (?), concert, teh tarik competition. The Brits would have eaten their hearts out...

We stayed in Penang until Friday. Since we were already there, we felt might as well stay there for a few more days for vacation. It had been a while since I had been in Penang anyway, my last trip being in 1994. I wish we could have stayed longer. Fun times and such vacations always have the tendency to end before you're ready for it.

Can't wait for our planned vacation next year.

Money, Money, Money!

The issue of money and ways on how to make more of it has always become a favourite suject to many. Many can't buy you love, or all the happiness in the world, but it does get the going much easier if you have more it than less. Who wouldn't want that extra thousand bucks if you could make it. It sure does make meeting my monthly financial obligations easier and more breathing space financially.

The subject has been on my mind a little bit more persistently than usual as I go through the process of paying off all my debt obligations at the moment. A wise person once told me, debt is the mother of all poverty. And credit card debts must be the great, great grandmother of all the mothers of poverty. I've never made it a habit to check my credit card statement regularly, and it is to my shock that I found out my monthly financing charges have been in the amount of RM100 per month over the last one year. Would you believe it?! Not that I'm spending anything here. i get charged that amount of money simply for having outstanding balances with the bank. Heavens forbid!

So with that discovery, my 5 senses have been more alert to any opportunity to make extra bucks out there. And I found out about this Adsense formula that is on Google. Make money by having people flocking onto your blog and clicking on the ads by Google that appears on my blog. Sounds simple eh? And what better way to make money than doing so from the comfort of your bedroom, at anytime, about anything, and for doing something you wanted to do anyway? But there's still that other problem of having enough people to flock into this space. i don't really get that many people coming this way.

So it's time for some strategy in the items I blog about then. Key words or postings with high search rates on the net. Porno is of course out of the question, although in terms of hits it should probably account for the most hits on the net... hehe... hmm.. what then? It is something worth thinking about. It is after all about money...

Insyirah Turns 2!

My beloved daughter, that precious little angel of mine by the name of Nuha Insyirah, turned 2 years old today! Yes it has been 2 years since that cheeky little angel, by the grace of God, came to grace our lives. 2 years of patience, of getting up in the middle of the night making her milk, 2 years of playing with baby pee and poo, getting the ocassional vomit on my clothes. Yes, it has been 2 years of bliss, 2 years that have made me grown so much more than the previous 28 years before she came to my life. I love you so much my little girl.

We bought her a little cake tonight, for her to warm up with the idea of blowing the candle off the cake before her birthday bash this Sunday. Although she did try to blow off the candle rather earnestly tonight, she still struggled enough for Hannah to jump in and show how her it's really done. Hannah just couldn't contain her excitement the moment she saw us bring the cake out. But somehow she managed to refrain herself from blowing the candle, and allowed Insyirah to make a few attempts before she 'voluntered' to show her how it's done. And in good spirits, Insyirah clapped her on when the candles were blown off. Hehe...

Here's to many more birthdays in the future. May all your dreams come true.

ps: Either blogger or my internet connection is giving me problems at the moment and I'm taking a zillion years just trying to put up a pic. So I only have a pic of the birthday cake to show and nothing else. Guess I'll put more pics after the big bash on Sunday itself. :-(

My Inner Voice Speaks

These last couple of days, I have come to learn (or perhaps rediscover) the art of listening to the voices within me again. Before I get anybody alarmed suspecting that I'm beginning to suffer from schizophrenia, let me reassure you it's not THAT kind of voices I'm talking about. It is the voice of your heart, or what the malays would call 'suara hati', which in my interpretation at least, asks you questions about your own mortality, happiness, ambitions, and where you are in the bigger scheme of life. Muslims call it 'muhasabah', a process of reflection of one's life, where we are in the bigger scheme of things, and where we're heading towards. And I feel that my recent job transfer probably has something to do with it.

I have recently moved to a new job within the same company beginning a month ago, after close to 7 years working in the old position. My old position had it's fair share of joy and fun in the early days, but in the last 2-3 years or so, have made me to drag myself to work. And if I may be honest, I could trace the reason for such a feeling to a particular person in the office whom of late has not just made my life a miserable hell, but the lives of others in the office as well.

If you traced back some of my earlier postings about a colleague from hell, then you would know who i mean. To give you a better perspective how really bad she is, whatever I have written about her in these pages a couple of years are not even half as bad as what she has really turned out to be. I had decided to stop bitching about her after my 2 posting about her back then as I felt bitching about others is not really a healthy way to handling such issues.

As a result, it probably caused the voice within me to go quiet altogether and I lost touch with the very essence of myself. I lost the voice within me that usually gave me my reason and drive. Because I had to live with working with such an incompetent monkey for so long, I had learnt to just live with imperfections and assume others would too. My bosses had allowed her to continue with her incompetence for so long that the whole unit almost turned into ruins. For instance, the company's financial statements for the year, which was under the monkey's KPI for the last year, was late by over 2 months, and even then it wasn't her who finally completed it. Just like the year before, she made horrendous mess with the accounts before conveniently falling ill on the day of the deadline, and left her shit to another colleague of mine and myself to clear it for her. We went back at 4 in the morning that day and to add salt to injury, the boss made us continue doing her job and gave us a scolding for being slow the next day. The monkey who conveniently felt better that day got away with nothing.

That was just a classic example of what she is capable of doing. I could go on and on about the unspeakable and dishonorable things she's done, but that would be digressing too far from the main reason for this posting and I shall save such stories of the good-for-nothing monkey for later. As it is now, I can feel my heartbeat beating slightly faster recounting the above events of her doing.

Basically, having to endure such a difficult colleague and a demanding boss who did not really know how to manage such a colleague and the ensuing mess she created, took its toll on me and I suffered in silence. My motivation gone, energy zapped, and I was beginning to have self esteem issues. I began asking myself, 'is this it?'. I felt like I was facing a great wall with no way to move forward or move around, and it felt hopeless.

The new job has so far given me a new lease of life. I am required to learn again, and I am again made to feel like a freshie in a new school. I'm made to feel dumb again, which requires me to go around looking for some answers. I'm exposed to embarassing moments of clueless-ness, and the regular telling off from the boss for freshie-like errors. The pressure to meet such high expectations, to my own surprise, had given me the zest again to stand up and show what I can do under such adverse situations. And yeah, almost all my colleagues in my new work place are merit-rated material, so I very much feel like a small fish in a big pond at the moment. The good thing about that is, there is an almost certainty that I won't have the same problem of dealing with incompetent people like in my old place.

I suddenly have so much to tell. But I guess the rest can wait till later. I have made a pledge that certain things about me will change, and I look towards the future with optimism. Things are not necessarily going to get any easier, but at least I now feel better prepared for any eventuality.